Whew. What a day. What a week. I’ve always been skeptical of the whole ‘Rule of 3s’ theory but … sort of hard to argue it now, right?
Theo Huxtable.
Ozzie.
Hulkster.
Really tough week for the 80s. At least Colbert got fired, and The View gasbags are getting put in timeout.
Need one more good thing to happen to balance it out. Maybe Trump beats up Too Late Jerome later today whilst touring his crooked new building, and we can afford housing again soon? We’ll see!
Anyway, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we slam back some well-earned beers with Paige Spiranac, and go from there.
What else? I’ve got Tito Francona going woke (sad), Von Miller going unwoke (awake?), The View going on hiatus and CNN finally giving us some good #content for the first time in years.
What a MENU for a Thursday in late July! Let’s get it going, because I’m hobbled and in excruciating pain, so that post-class tumbler of Kentucky Gentleman is gonna be extra important today.
Grab you one, too, and settle in for a Thursday ‘Cap!
The View gasbags are out of air … for now
You ever break a toe? This is my first time with it, and I can confidently say I expect Justin Fields to miss the rest of the season. This STINKS.
My 11-month-old was reaching for some stupid toy last night that the First Lady decided to position just within his reach on the TV stand. Seeing this, I jumped off the couch and made a beeline across the room, only to jam my foot into the ottoman on the way.
The toy ended up falling right on him. He cried. I completely ignored him and decided to jump up and down as if I’d just gotten shot in the chest. I figured it was your run-of-the-mill stubbed toe, until a few hours later when I noticed my pinkie was the size of Chicago.
I assume the fact that the entire side of my foot is now bruised means she’s broken. Love that. There goes golf for the next month. I’m going to be so fat come football season.
Can’t wait!
Anyway, at least I’ll now have plenty of time to watch The View!
It’s been 21 years already!
Yes! We finally get a break from The View for a few weeks. Thank God. A well-deserved break for America.
No more listening to these dummies spew just flat-out lies every single day about Trump. No more listening to them whining about Stephen Colbert. Or listening to Whoopi talk about how tough black women have it in America.
Of course, they’ll be back. Social media ran wild with this earlier today thinking these witches had been canceled. That ain’t happening. They’re going on vacation for the rest of the summer. They’ll be back in September. I’m sure of it.
And, according to dummy Joy Behar, Trump will officially be taken down when they return! Because if the last 10 years have taught us anything, it’s that Donald Trump never, ever digs his way out of a hole.
OK, let’s get to the #sports. Enough of that … for now.
Happy 21-year anniversary to maybe the most pivotal few minutes in Red Sox history!
Tito, Von & CNN finally puts something on worth watching!
Twenty-one years! Man, time flies. I was in the mountains of North Carolina when that happened. I remember watching it live. I think that’s the moment when I really became a fan. What an era that was for Major League Baseball.
Red Sox-Yankees was at its peak. The steroid era was still alive and well. Clemens. Bonds. Pedro. A-Rod. Griffey. Pre-cork Sammy Sosa. Ichiro. Manny. Papi. Big Frank Thomas. Randy Johnson. Chipper.
I could go on and on. Nothing fires me up more than just naming old baseball players from the glory days. What a fight. What a moment. What a season. More of that!
And less of … this!
Rapid-fire time:
So sad. I LOVED Terry Francona back in the day. Still do. He’s like family to us Red Sox fans. But my God, has he been brainwashed by the Dem propaganda machine, or what? They stole another one from us!
From the insufferable USA Today:
“I wasn’t the one that had to kind of have the (fortitude) to do it,” Francona said. “Paul Dolan ultimately was the one that had to pull the trigger. I was really proud of him, because I don’t think it was real popular with a segment of probably the older fans that kind of, I guess like Trump, ‘Why can’t it be like it used to be?’
“And I guess my retort would be, ‘There’s probably a lot of people in this country who don’t want it like it used to be.’ And if you’re white, (you’re) probably just fine.’
My God. Come on, Tito! You were doing so well. Honestly, I could’ve stomached the first part of that. But then he had to bring up the whole “if you’re white, you’re probably just fine” part, and he just sounds so stupid now.
Which is sad, because Terry Francona ain’t stupid! He’s one of the smartest dudes in baseball. But somewhere between leaving Boston, going to Cleveland for a decade, briefly retiring, and now managing in Cincinnati, he’s been brainwashed.
That’ll happen, I reckon.
Next? From woke Tito to awake Von Miller!
YES! Get ‘em, Von! No clue if that was intentional or not, but whatever. This is how you become an instant fan favorite right off the bat. Cut through the bullshit and go straight for the heartstrings.
I think Von’s in for a big season. Hail to the Redskins!
I’m sure the Libs over at CNN are gonna LOVE airing that clip later on:
Take us home, Paige Spiranac!
Incredible. Some say it’s fake, but I ain’t buying it. That’s real, baby. 100% organic. And that’s how you put eyeballs back on the screen, CNN.
More of that, and less covering up for Obama! Trust me.
OK, that’s it for today. Weird ride, but we got through it. Time for a drink.
Cheers, Paige!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You gonna miss The View or Hulk Hogan more? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
