Football Come Dine With Me – Ep. 1

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Theo:
https://youtube.com/c/HiMalfoy
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Ollie:
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https://youtube.com/c/OllieFletcher

Tom Garratt:
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License
746a28ccda6f45e093d60321e4d4565a
(paPDdMxNP3X)
Song
My Type by Saint Motel
ISRC
GBAYE1400856

License
bc1eb2319d944f6e87bde04e8aa3a8e6
(KbdbnGjbdBw)
Song
Unholy by Sam Smith & Kim Petras
ISRC
GBUM72205415

Welcome everybody to a brand new series on pitchside called home toown in this series each of us will be taking the boys to our hometown where we grew up to a football match and an overall experience of the area so with that being said let’s goow back this morning when this episode kicks Off oh yeah and also they’re going to be rating the entire day which I’m a little bit nervous about so I’m hoping fingers cross everything goes smoothly and the the plan comes together today what’s this cuz it’s a side here oh mate I’ve seen it I told you I [ __ ] knew it l

Adventure this looks like it’s there’s a children everywhere are we going to charge there’s me Cuts it’s busy for a Tuesday it is do you know why it’s half time does f know that I don’t know but it’s half time there’s CH going be children everywhere how am I going to

[ __ ] film when there are kids everywhere why because you R NS how you doing you go nothing for you no I’m a bit weird foring a camera in here though lad I didn’t realize it half a lot of children here there was a lot of children are we even legally allowed

To film well boys welcome to East Sussex now I couldn’t really take you to Seaford because uh there’s nothing there so uh we’re in the the realm of eastborn which is where I was born now my original plan was take you to not catch Adventure Park we thought we might get

Arrested so we’re not doing that but hey there is hope still because I’m taking you to the place where I first learned to ski will they have space for us last minute I highly doubt it but we’re going to try it’s not [ __ ] open it is open

There’s no one on it it’s open trust me Lads odds on this doors closed and locked now it’s open okay what day is it today Tuesday oh my God [ __ ] he just told us to come here Tuesday closed you’re [ __ ] [ __ ] you having a hleer PO I

Left my house at 6:00 a.m. this morning for this prick guys all I’m saying is you look we late we meant to leave here at we before you what difference would that have made if we got here yeah at 7 a.m. it’s still closed and there still

Load of kids 11 so I’ve got many things booked for us today don’t you worry M there’s not even a toilet man I need a piss in his mouth I got a backup plan welcome to the South Downs National Park mate the first sight you see when

You walk into Gatwick off your flight is your hair is the cook look at that oh that is beautiful I’m not going to lie look at that boys stunning in it bet you’re wondering why I bought you here yeah I am well if we find the other two

Idiots then I can tell you okay it’s like fresh oh hi Tom make laugh make would you make laugh Le you don’t get this by me down the canal you get it here though well there’s one big positive strep off the bat what it’s no children whoa what do you what do you

Hate kids yes did you make love I’m going to show you a piece of History before we crack on the next activity if you don’t mind do you want to get a cake or something for the road y school trip do it make laugh very oniony that’s

Cuz you had this the porking onion one you thick [ __ ] look at this wide open space here Lou that’s free I was just saying to Tom the first thing you see when you fly into Gatwick is the cook what you mean where I don’t know what that is there’s a photo of it

What if you’re flying from Edinburgh You Close Your Eyes First what if you close what if you’re asleep no it’s when you’re walking toward security no but if what if you’re blind if you’re flying from like Iceland that’s the wrong direction no it’s in the airport what your you’re on your phone

You’re not looking up stop so Lads I want to teach you a little bit history of this area that right there is your mom’s old house no actually that’s where you were born conceived that is a World War II Watchtower when the Germans would fly over here cookme was England’s first

Defense don’t slip whatever you do what a stupid idea this is the are no wonder your hips [ __ ] this is what you’ve been doing when little sh [ __ ] oh yeah let’s [ __ ] take them to a [ __ ] H in the ground in a place where there’s loads of kids I can see the

Planes [ __ ] who boys look at be H are you guys excited for the next activity no there will be a race to decide who does the forfeit tonight is it a swim [ __ ] SI if it’s me I can’t swim if it’s a swim like is it a swim well

You’re standing in history welcome to se wait that’s the reason you got us in here this is a genuinely dangerous I’m not even joking be very care go down on your ass if you have to watch out mate there’s the [ __ ] bombers no M yourself not bad not bad feel even

You put your [ __ ] pumpkin spice [ __ ] down and his ass P your ass away don’t use my leg as a [ __ ] help me help me help me I’m sorry actually I’m falling what a weird little man what weird little man [ __ ] off I’m a bit dirty like why you walking like

That you know if you go down a hill forwards you fall on your ass if you slip well if you go down that way fall [ __ ] you’re speaking from experience I don’t fall downhills oh Flex on him bro to the Sea I wanted to throw it back again you know

Do childhood things in year five and six we used to come on each other K King school trips we’re going to be doing a race between you three and the loser of said race does the forfeit tonight at the match have you kayaked before I’ve never done stuff Outdoors oh

Lads sorry I forgot one more thing I bought you all swimming trunks for today oh are they dissolvable you take the pink ones I’ll take uh no no you ain’t choosing I couldn’t care this mine say happy birthday these are 100% dissolvable I’ve seen these before all right follow me to the

K light long go on on [ __ ] off you are going straight towards the bank mate now the lad what comes in the water little secret between you and I one of you is wearing the Disposable shorts oh class ey y have fun don’t fall in the water oh legit it

Might have been freezing cold but the boys set sail in their kayaks having aurely practice before their big race but it seems Tom misunderstood the assignment where’s the Finish Line this isn’t the r what yeah he didn’t say it was you this the yeah I’m just be going really hard if I were

You I’d secretly start splashing Tom oh they are they are Toms wait so you’re telling me if he’s sitting down he just his cock’s just going to start I think we should get the race done before the rain comes In all right boys listen up you will be racing from that green boat to me the Finishing Line H God there’s only two rules anything goes whoever comes last does the forfeit however if you come last to redeem yourself and get out of the forfeit and to give it to Second

Place you must submerge yourself in the water suck my [ __ ] what are you doing hey whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa come on man 3 yes yes on The oh man [ __ ] full of Mud wait oh my God you have to both submerge yourself and then told us to do the four it wait so at the moment you you don’t have to do it no but LS does cuz he hasn’t fully submerged himself full of Po you oh my God

Yes that mean if I submerge myself I’m still doing the for yeah sh should be disolving by now my shoes like look at that girl I hey I got some news for you Tom no [ __ ] off I don’t know how it happened but you had the disposable ones no I didn’t

You oh that wasn’t obvious at all was It there you go don’t let her don’t her you see how cold he is that’s not bad camera guys guys this children why would you make me whereing about kid I’m getting naked to the kids F oh no we’re going to get on the big one together oh God you the front

L [ __ ] hell my neck my back oh [ __ ] he fing it down now like this is get bucking no stop stop you guys don’t want to stand up yeah yeah about there why just stand properly like a normal boat M use a wobble L you’re pushing too hard mate

Cuz we’re going less God this is not fun this is [ __ ] I’ve just been informed of a task that literal children can do so if you boys can’t do this it’s embarrassing how cold it is it’s to all jump and Tuck at the same time [ __ ]

No way how can I do that doing this what are you doing it’s harder at the front why doesn’t Lou have an ass bro’s got the world’s longest Back 2 come on let’s go it’s all three of you get on the white get on the W no no no no no he’s taking the pist how can that even work please no it’s not because we’re going to cap eyes come on I can’t move it’s to to Big

Side just give me a I can’t move Lou because it’s stuck in [ __ ] okay now all of you get on the way I’m on no stop telling us to do that this isn’t fun anymore on no boys we’re just drifting now look at this state is weirdo touching me come

Here yes no yeah we’ve done it right right right I’m right no no no spin it we got spin there we go boys hold on L come on L you got this you have this I this we did we actually did well that amazing boy I’ll give you a prize bit weird was

It look at that the sun is out as the boys go inside and get changed I think they I think they enjoyed that now I’m going to take them up to to a place called beachy head very famous place and a beautiful Pub lunch what more do they want

Eh right where we going you know that lighthouse we went past yes few years ago they had to move it back away from the cliff I would you move I can see from here oh I can I look over this Cliff Edge yeah you can look over just

Be careful only idiots get close to the cliffs I wouldn’t go any further genuinely there’s so many idiots and tourists you get close to these Cliffs and then the chalk Falls and they go down with it you’re really scary me I don’t like I oh look at that now don’t

Push us that’s not funny oh that doesn’t even look real that’s like a green screen do oh what the are you see that do we right boys who wants the next adventure to the pub a pub lunch L lunch lunch me just whack my L

Back do you even know where my ass is well no he doesn’t cuz he’s not used to True right then boys p thought got a Seabass oh that is so boring we got lasagna Mac and cheetah P pork brisket a meal for a six-year-old hang admit he’s got lasna

And G bread I got Mac and chees and Gad yeah you have children Ser hold that Rao fat well in lad oh okay well in lad nice little lunch there Pub lunch if you find that delicious wait until we get to our [ __ ] no no no SC my ass no wait until we

Get to the next adventure oh is it your mom’s baking right thank we put your head on it it’s now mini golf I’m not losing golf especially against this guy he’s got one arm shot bro so we all got off to a pretty decent start including a hole in

One from RE thank you but things quickly heated up as the lads argu that Reed should take a penalty drop for hitting it out of bounds that’s from there that is a drop you play a drop three points [ __ ] off of a [ __ ] yeah you are it’s a drop what it

That’s a drop that’s have unlimited goes in yeah so this is my second shot no it’s no no no that’s your third that’s third that’s out of balance yeah yeah yeah [ __ ] yeah hold that L ratio we all decided to continue with the penalty drop rule this backfired for me however

Oh it’s it you got got play that’s three Play From Me Oh I Dro three there you go that’s salty man it’s not it’s play the rules no it’s not different you’re [ __ ] salty man you no I’m not you Sal everyone else is agre I didn’t realize

What he was like oh not again okay that’s five play five seven play for [Applause] seven terrible keep SC oh [Applause] 15 [Applause] 17 19 there you go 19 there you go you should just restart that that’s a solid training you should restart that got hold in one

There you go you’re only 19 behind now almost holding ones on this course you’re also about 40 over with myself 19 behind they’re not looking good for me is it boys the chase was on as I tried to catch them up but who would come out Victorious It’s Time to find out solid

Two for the boys oh my God that’s out that oh no is this the world’s highest score yeah there you are oh oh my god do you want scor the triple digits you playing an actual corer you 20 20 if you put my 20 down is like a

Two up well it was a nine you count the reset it wasn’t it that’s good so ladies and gentlemen I have the four scores here in at Fourth theaker score what with a 48 good front nine that in third Mr Tom Garett with a 30 oh you got a 10 on one

Hole in second is myself with 22 and finishing first is leis with 19 which is technically less than three got on one hole oh my God boys L has got bird on his back oh no M have you done that oh [ __ ] oh head I felt like someone hit me

That’s actually bad I’d take your jump off mate having me on no why would I have you on I’d take your T-shirt off as well I risk put it in my hair by taking this off no no no cuz it’s below the hood so you hey Louis oh leou not bad yourself bad

You just got pranked by the prank Patrol you know I felt like shed it me head I really felt like I felt some pug go down me but I didn’t say anything about it thought he felt something [ __ ] on him and just carried on thought I’ve been

Walking around with P you know I thought I could smell [ __ ] I thought it was just me [Laughter] breath oh she just try breath he is again hello here he is again the zoo animal hello hello it’s quite meditative isn’t it [ __ ] it do you reckon you die no you wouldn’t

Die but you from here die F man you could land it anyway go on I go would you die yeah what about us you would cuz I jump him after top of here even if you landed it mate we just throw stones at you until you drown because we tie we

Tie a big brick to your back as you jumped in you drown anyway you [ __ ] Drop in the Ocean live entertainment bar yeah you’re the entertainment you know we can read oh let’s get this what are you doing don’t take all me money you [ __ ] idiot you ready watch I’m not going to lie Lads since kayak what’s our thoughts so you didn’t come up with a thought you just said I I’m not going to lie I feel like he’s just taking us to the beach it’s a low score for me so far I’m not going to lie

Look you’re loving it aren’t you you’re enjoyed today yeah it’s been a wholesome day and we get it often he five donuts for £450 five us we should shut up and go I am a [ __ ] for a calipo in the sunmer got a pit side on SE SE seide

Don’t say I don’t treat you boys I got your Donuts yeah One Singular donut each here you go I’m not on a [ __ ] diet well don’t give him the whole thing I’ll take mine what are you talking about I’ll share that that’s fine you’re freak now what now we go to Harry ramman

For dinner that’s so weird we’ve done that that and then they Yeah so basically all you did when you were back home is e tell it’s I’ve never actually been here before I really heard of it you never been Harry Ramon’s before it’s a classic it’s a staple it’s a staple of

The seaside Town Harry Ramon’s well what are you going to order here guys fish and chips okay one one I don’t like fish you want to go to the seaside not trying to say that everybody wants to go to the seaside it’s raining outside as long as you don’t go after L

What are you doing do you know R the table man just ask me to pass you an KN and Fork yeah all right Lads food done activity’s done it’s now time to go to the match y thank you very much here’s your shirt your very own e bar shirt n

N five I’ll take that yeah it’s nice Tom is and I’ve got B I’m sad all right there Tommy Tom welcome to the Barrow mate welcome to the a little present for you for me for me what do you mean Tom this is you’re not special all

Right this is from East bar okay they know you so well and you’ve modeled it as well apparently the car the carrot up the carrot now get that on now get that on get your Lou you lost you lost two out of the three challenges therefore the forfeit is you are today’s

Mascot by the way I think you’re just like walking out holding their hands you got to get not a costume he’s actually just going I think is it full kit is it just Kit full kit and you got to hold yeah I oh brilliant that’s [ __ ] brilliant the child treatment

That’s how can you do this to me how could you do this no you done it to yourself you should have you should have W more Challes they’ve stitched me off so much yeah the first the first start expect come this soon Right you’ll go i’ got Louis Suarez in there nice to meet you yeah big performance from you Lou yeah come on Lou hold his hand hold his hand big game boys don’t know if you’re up for it we bring the fire good L get I’m the devil in

Here who’s in charge me or the devil come on in come on This is the worst day life [Applause] [Laughter] It yeah think he [Laughter] Captain treating him like the skipper yeah ref and will where he where is he going where is he going who told him to go that way I’m ready to play look at this they know that you’re on I told them I’ll be

On like games yeah wait you took the shimad off the actual number nine oh nice go one oh he’s tricky he’s not 30 minutes in nil nil but it’s been a fast start we’re 15 minutes in 15 minutes in okay well it’s been it’s been

A f start how you feeling L after that Sur that’s like the best thing you’ve ever done in your life you got a bit of an adrenaline dump now or what it’s like a really sad experience just like being that embarrassed and looking to the left

And having a use old camera is good that’s sexy he the do he’s he’s the captain you work out with oh man I I’m sad he didn’t let me hold his own he was fit man why is he got turnning gay we should have his C they they all liked

Us that’s a red card that’s a red card a straight red that’s a straight red red red red oh may it looks hurt actually oh that was really bad how is that a yellow that’s acceptable you don’t know what you’re doing St R and white Army go on get with the Hans know

Sh when you’re sh I said my mate Louis bden loves a [ __ ] you R in Disguise oh you we got the call up again what are we doing hands [Laughter] [Applause] up okay boys I forgot to mention one thing uh you lot doing a halftime penalty shootout no you’re joking by the

Way Tom can’t miss this cuz he’s talked a lot of talk D1 athlete over here D2 oh D nibbled nibbled who it’s time have you have you boys noticed by the way have you boys noticed how quiet Thomas he nervous yeah he does it every

Time hey mate how you doing you good you can just let him in all right no you have to same L you get three pens each all the best I feel nervous I don’t do stuff you know what you go first is no even watching

All chees me go leis you left footed me Ready mate what is this come on No Sa oh [ __ ] yeah this is the pen we all want to see though this is the pen we all want to see TG he played division 2 soccer will don’t be nervous Tom it’s just it’s just a game is a car is a is a

Is it’s it’s okay it’s okay lose come on Sur not two out of two that’s a great save oh my God look at the nerves oh my God he sent he sent him Tom you you can’t miss two mate keeper putting where he wants me to put it and

Then missing up missing the ball try hard try hard Le man if you miss you’ve lost I ain’t missing man saav it keep David backham score i’ score if I score that’s the third challenge you lost today you’ve lost a lot of challenges oh it’s not going good is he no I

Am oh he sent you with the eyes if you if you missed this we’ve drawn and that’s embarrassing for you why is he back Andy rodic Andy rodic so we’ve deducted one more leis is the worst Tom is the second worst and is the best to decide one one we need one

More leis come on man top right top right and Corner leis didn’t work David smam oh my God that’s what you that is what he does hey hey hey look at me look at me put respect on my name well you’ve lost Tom you’ve just lost the ls bow in the

Footbal by the way no I was looking right also he’s trying to put that left you put it down the middle waitting for him to move you got to score now has to score this come on Keith no pressure no pressure get in B It keep IED we all know the real loser is Tom me flick did youu you get one you want okay ah it’s so cold different ear or the same a different different a you weren even [Laughter] partaking oh a [ __ ] punch turn turn there you [Applause] Go me uh it’s about 60 minutes into the match East bar winning 1 nil B sort of all over in the second half would you say yeah uh yeah they started second half really well yeah I reckon solid 2N final score to East now oh so what I

Said before the game you’re just so smart that’s why it’s going to finish one1 oh goal great goal as well I told you one1 I told you one one was it good go I did I didn’t say it I blink you were just you literally just said I said

Two and then I said and then I came oh any more predictions no P pie it’s uh 43 minutes 28 seconds on rolling it’s going to finish one1 M he doesn’t really count when you have 10 predictions hey it’s not a loss 1 Fair result yeah after a day of sunshine sea

Sucking and soccer it was time to get the results well I’ve had a good to think I think the morning was a disaster he didn’t even check the ski slope was open uh then what happened then we went to the PM I am going to give him a five

It was roll the course of a day started off horrendously but we built into it scorpion then go got a free top I’m going to give him an eight so obviously throughout the day I’ve said I’ve really enjoyed it and I did but there are a

Couple things here and there that let us down so I’m going to give him an eight what do I think that got I think it started off poor and it only went up I don’t think any of them are going to provide the level of hospitality and

Experience that I’ve given them and he bar have given them so I think overall I think I’m going to get like Reed probably gave me like nine Le probably like an eight and Tom probably like a seven so whatever that adds up to which is what 34 it’s pretty

Good I think I got that is that 34 34 24 20 24 23 23 24 24 24 24 that’s what I think just take me till you wake me from this bad dream going down down down and I just can’t believe you want s my little