The 1959 WW2 comedy movie “Operation Petticoat”, starring Cary Grant and Tony Curtis was remade in 1977 as a TV series on ABC that lasted a fraction over one season. It’s pilot movie was a near-remake of the original movie and starred John Astin, Richard Gilliland, Jim Varney (later of “Ernest” fame) and in one of her early roles, Jamie Lee Curtis (just 19 at the time!) as one of the four Army nurses stranded aboard a rickety pink submarine. After the show’s first season, almost the entire cast was fired and an attempt was made to retool the show with a new cast that proved unsuccessful.
While a number of episodes have aired on TV Land in the years since its cancellation and can be found on YT, the pilot movie remake is harder to come by. This was something I recorded from the WCBS “Late Late Show” in June 1985, where it aired under its syndicated title “Life In The Pink.” I don’t often upload this kind of material, but because of its rarity and because it was one of my very earliest VCR recordings, I’m including it here.
How to be your own lawyer Monday 5 You remember World War II it was covered by almost all the papers and if you were in the Navy Department in Washington in 1942 chances are you were covered by by almost all the papers I know I was until one of those papers in triplicate of course changed all
That good morning good morning sir ah more paperwork what a surprise this one is Sir your orders my orders my orders Lieutenant Comm Matthew Sherman when directed in August 1942 detach proed my orders and report to Commander submarine forces Asiatic Fleet Manila for Duty as commanding officer ussc
Tiger air Priority One certified Josie I could kiss you please do sir my orders read proceed directly to Manila Harbor unfortunately no one connected with Naval transport had read my orders I was shipped to rikic redirected to Bombay then roted to Manila arriving 45 minutes after the Japanese Air Force good morning sir Lieutenant Commander Sherman reporting to My Submarine you point the way to the Sea Tiger well everything seaworthy is out of the harbor sir the uh SE tiger he right there I can’t help thinking My Submarine has violated Navy tradition by going down without her Captain I’m left with
My orders and the remnants of a crew to give them to this is your chief of the boat Chief mrey enen stovel your Navigator Chief motor machinists mate TOS in ready radio technician Williams yman hunkle Sean goset Sean horwich Seaman broom Seaman canera Seaman duel Seaman Fisher Seaman bigs and Seaman shindelbower all right man you can relax where’s the rest of the crew Lieutenant Watson gone sir they were Shanghai Shanghai sir every ship in
The harbor is under man transfers started coming through 20 minutes after she went down well then why weren’t the rest of your pro cards filled out oh we’ll be transferred as soon as we put her out of her misery sir she’s blocking the warp we have to blow her up oh no
No she not going to be blown up the Navy needs her and we need her men she may be down now but we can make her seaworthy no way what don’t pay any attention to DG sir DG Doom and Gloom broom sir he’s negative about everything he sends guys
In the Hospital get sick cards uh no disrespect sir but how are we going to make the sea tiger Seaworthy with grit and determination can we also get a crane and Pump la [Applause] the Sea Tiger is a float but unless the port Commander helps me get her operational and out to sea before the next air raid I’ll be captain of 2,000 tons of scrap metal sir I’m not denying we’ve suffered some damage damage you’ve been sunk what does it take to convince
You maybe you should should read your own report bulkheads main ballast tanks and pressure hole ripped by bomb fragments engine room fluted main induction and ventilation wreck torpedo tubes inoperable all motor controls and reduction gears inoperable electrical equipment wiring gauges gyro radio all you got out there is a periscope on top
Of 2,000 tons of scrap metal fully operational Periscope sir Matt maybe with major repairs and a complete overhaul your boat could be made seaworthy I mean a functioning Shipyard might be able to do it but we have just been hit by thousands of tons of bombs I wouldn’t make Booker getting a Robbo
Repaired around here we’re not pipe dreaming about getting her into fighting trim just enough makeshift repairs to get her out to sea into the nearest sub tender that would be the bush Nowell at Darwin 2,000 Mi of ocean with the Japanese roaming all over it and you’re
Going to make it in a boat put together with two half hitches and a Band-Aid sir the sea tager was built to fight she deserves a better epith than commission 1941 sunk 1942 engagements none Torpedoes fired none you can’t let her go that way sir at least give her the
Chance to earn the champagne she was christened with Matt please sir I’ll be ordered back to Washington I don’t want to be the only Captain to go down with his desk I’ll give you two weeks to get it out of here or we’ll blow it up fair enough
Sir sir three of my officers and 18 of my men have been reassigned how can I get them back you can if I start changing orders there’ll be questions I’d rather not answer you’ll just have to get by with the skeleton C sir all right I’ll get you what
Replacements I can as soon as possible thank you Sir Captain we got our Replacement how we going to fit him on the boat sir we may not have to if we can’t get the engine running we can run a sail upon him we’re reporting for Duty aboard the Sea Tiger sir to Yan uncle in the shed yes sir how is it Mr Watson walking pretty
Captain all right how you coming with your repair will I’m free well I’ve gone about as far as I can go what’s left to be done everything I need deck plating couplings and joints for the showers sinks and uh what do you hear from the supply officer from what I hear they’re
So short of everything to done of rationing what they’re out of put in another requisition can hurt sir no take a look at this what is that well I hope I’m wrong sir but with that suitcase I I’d say he’s one of the new Replacements do you know him only from
The society pages of the Honolulu newspaper sir Lieutenant Nick Holden the darling of the high brass social set he and the Admiral’s wife won the Rumba Championship two years in a row I wonder how come he’s running around loose they probably sunk the officer Club all right man knock it off let’s get back to work Lieutenant JG Nick Holden reporting for Duty sir you’ll have to excuse the men for staring Mr Holden but it’s unusual to see an admiral’s Aid without the Admiral well sir he was scheduled to be transferred here today I
Was just sent ahead to make all the arrangements and then this blockade went up and you’re sort of stranded captain Anderson assigned me to you sir I see ever been on a sub before Mr Holden no sir we can use a torpedo and Gunnery officer any experience along those lines
Guns no sir I’m afraid not how about communication sorry sir navigation wish I could help you out Mr Holden before you became an admiral’s Aid what did you do in the Navy well sir I was primarily used as an idea man what does an idea man do I coordinated
The Navy Day Parade in Milwaukee and then I was the special liazon to the 11th Naval District liaison to what Hollywood uh I I coordinated the designing of the recruitment posters and then I was transferred to Fleet headquarters in Honolulu well don’t tell me you were given sea Duty oh
No sir no no I was the Recreation officer at the Royal Arms Hotel just for my information Mr Holden what does an idea man do in a hotel well so the Navy had taken over the hotel for training its officers and I saw to it that entertainment was
Provided Mr Holden have you ever been to sea oh yes sir destroy your duty sir oh how’d you find time to fit it in oh that was just a mistake sir but about a week after I left Hol Lulu they got it all straightened out who the Admiral or the
Admiral’s wife it must be awfully upset you being stranded out here unless the C to the rumber championship this year Mr yes sir show Mr holding to his quarters hi sir certainly not very yo ho ho is he more yo ho heho it’s this way
Sir hey chief this is heavy if it wasn’t I’d be carrying put it in the shed what’s your estimate Chief toon how soon can we have the SE tiger operational I can patch up those engines sir but if we don’t come up with those rail pump
Shafts the only way we’re going to leave here is by rowing unle put through a requisition that’s all we have producers put through requisitions we still never get anything we get more action writing than Santa Claus there will to our loved on here you are lieuten our only prous will
We for we’re all doomed to die Alone is he always so cheerful that’s just the way he is don’t mind him you well I got a feeling that boy knows what he’s talking about you got any coffee right this way uncle uncle why hasn’t this part been replaced because they don’t because they said because well I look look relax
Uncle yes sir I’ve sent through five requisitions are you stamping the mergin I put in a requisition for it sir for what for an urgent stamp sir we haven’t got one you mean nothing’s arrived from Supply no sir well yes well uh that’s right nothing and look at
This last August when we were here I put in a requisition for toilet paper every time we’ve been back since I put through a fall order all according to books all through channels I even submitted a sample of the material so what happens the whole thing just came back stamped cannot identify requisition
Cancel now I’m not complaining it’s just this is the kind of thing I have been going through Take a Letter hle yes sir from uh commanding officer ussc tiger to supply officer Navy Yard cavid Philippines via Commander submarine Force Asiatic Fleet subject toilet paper on 6 August 1941 this vessel
Submitted a requisition for 150 rolls of toilet paper the requisition was returned with the stamp notation cannot identify material required two commanding officer ussc tiger cannot help but wonder what is being used at the Citi Supply Depot as a substitute for this unidentifiable material once well known to this
Command three uh pardon me sir have you ever been to Las Vegas why well sir up there the boys would say that you’re trying to make your point the hard way putting through these requisitions sir this is no time for regular channels you’ve got to know how
To beat the system have you got any uh clean fluid I have a bottom on you oh no sir I’m afraid I don’t how does one go about beating the system Mr Holden very simple all you need is a supply officer who knows all the back alleys you Mr Holden I don’t think
So you’d ruin your manicure don’t let this manicure fool you sir I was born and raised in a neighborhood they call Noah’s Arc you know why cuz if you didn’t travel in pears you didn’t make it you just make out your shopping list and I’ll see what they have at the
Market you’re not the volunteering type Mr Holden not without an angle what is it same as yours sir we both want to get this sub out of here you so you can fight your war and me well I’m an optimist sir I figure that wherever we’re headed maybe I can swing a better
Deal than the one around here well maybe I’ll regret it Mr Olden but you’re my Supply Officer what tring C Captain just appointed a supply Officer excuse me sir I need about 100 Mil of wiring insulation and conduit uh Lieutenant I’ve got to have a new reciprocating pum oil pump shafts and a trim control wheel here’s mine the important stuff’s on top okay so what you’re telling me gentleman is that we
Need a submarine have we left anything out uh here’s mine Sir what do we get first sir well I think we should start with the highest priority toilet Paper I don’t seem to be able to understand this Supply requisition Lieutenant Holden well I can understand you’re not understanding it sir you see what we need is writing paper about 4 in wide and of indeterminant length I understand that Lieutenant Holden what I don’t understand is why you need writing
Paper of those particular Dimensions Japanese typewriters sir you see we are using captured Japanese typewriters on the sea tiger and naturally they’re very small and that’s the only size paper they’ll take I never saw Japanese typewriters good of course the paper would have to be very lightweight and delicate lightweight and delicate correspondence
Would have to be sent by air mail you know the only thing that I have that even remotely resembles that is toilet paper we’ll take It Mr St yes sir what is that toilet paper sir that would have been my second guess Mr stovel what are we doing what looks like at least 50,000 rolls of toilet paper hcle ordered it sir for what possible reason well it’s huncle’s rule of thumb sir you order more than you
Need in hopes that you get what you want he didn’t reckon with Lieutenant Holden’s gift those were Torpedoes we could Wipe Out the enemy Lieutenant I’d like to accommodate you sir but I don’t have the supplies you need oh yes you do they’re right here these belong to the USS Dolphins
Sir I can’t give them to you that’s against regulations but they haven’t been delivered to the Dolphins because we can’t deliver them sir the Dolphins at SEO she’s on the other side of the blockade then why not deliver them to us it’s against Reg ulations you have got
To have your own supplies but they haven’t been delivered they’re on their way they they left the states the same day that the dolphin did we just haven’t been able to get them through that blockade all right Chief both the dolphin and our supplies are on the
Other side of the blockade right right the sea tiger and the dolphin supplies are on this side of the blockade right right now why can’t it be arranged for the dolphin to take our supplies and we take their supplies now that makes sense doesn’t it yes sir it makes sense then
Why don’t we do it because it’s against regulations Sir dly come on why don’t we bring him along sir he’s so conspicuous you might need a ladder I just don’t think I’m cut out to be a scavenger I used to break into a nervous rash when my library book was overdo that is exactly the reason I
Chose you you’re so honest look at this face trustworthy Reliable no no let me do it let me do it get me the Bool Cutters boat cutters get the boat cutters we haven’t got any Bol Cutters what I forgot where are we going to get bolt cutters in the middle of the night don’t worry we’ll
Manage what is that cheap sir MPS MPS MPS MPS I knew we’d get caught how close are they doing about 5 ft sir hul there where you are Sergeant kill that light what kill the flashlight you’re endangering Our Lives can I see some kind of identification slow and
Easy oh sorry Lieutenant why the blackface sir where’s yours Sergeant don’t you know the penalty for breaking blackout regulations well yes sir but don’t play koi Sergeant you’ve read the New Order from Admiral what new order regulation 37564 no Naval Personnel shall appear at night without face
Camouflage a plane comes over you look up don’t look up Moonlight bounces off your face you give our position away now a face like yours could do a lot of damage Sergeant I’m going to have to put you on report honestly sir no one ever told me about it well you’re told now
Sergeant now black out that face yes sir thank you sir uh Sergeant yes sir have you got a tool kit well yes sir are there any bolt cutters in it well I think so sir dly do the socking face here they are sir thank you Sergeant we will see that you get these
Back first thing in the morning about finish dly yes sir good night Sergeant good night Sir we’re in terrible trouble a sergeant is going to report US report us when he sees all this stuff is missing he’s going to know exactly who took what Go uncle do you really think that a man who wears black face for no explainable reason and is the very same man who help
Us take these supplies is the kind of man who is going to report US gentlemen take my bring it a board got this move It hey look brand new pump sh congratulations looks just like You your new Supply officer did quite a job s didn’t he morning sir morning was a good night for shopping sir serve yourself and save well if I were you Mr Holden I’d remove the price tags price tags yes the ones that say USS dolfin oh yes thank you sir j r
G Julie I need some pipe fittings we don’t have anymore find Lieutenant holdon tell him we need something like a nailboard Jo all right chief Sir bil well how’s it coming Chief slow but it’s coming Sir Chief let me ask you something how long you been in service I got hash marks up one sleeve under my armpit and about half a dozen in my pocket what is it what is it well every
Time a skipper asks a chief how long he’s been in the service there something he wants to ask or talk about well it’s both what do you think Chief can we make it well we’ve got number one engine in shape that’ll take us out number two I
Won’t know about until after I get it put back together what about three and four I’ve been using them for parts for one and two but I’m a religious man sir and I believe we’ll get through as long as the good Lord puts his mind to it
Only he’s going to have to give us his undivided attention that’s good enough also you’re going to have to give us about half a dozen elbow joints yeah I’m not going to make it Lieutenant I don’t mean to complain but I have two bows and one wheel I need another
Wheel okay Lieutenant Holden a chief Austin needs elbow joints sir what are elbow joints you’ve seen them sir in the head under the sink they look like elbows oh of course hold what do you need Chief I still got to do some patch work on the torpedo room I need about 6
Ft of sheet metal uh I don’t think I have any on me I’ll have to look for some I thought I Retired Good day Williams good day sir we’re all said sir very Well Lieutenant that just doesn’t make any sense we can’t be out of it somehow somewhere on this island there’s got to be some toilet paper oh and while you’re at it I need a wall yes a wall I need about 6 ft of wall sheet metal I’ll call you back Commander Sherman morning
Sir just coming to see if you were in are you in not as in as I’d like to be thank you sir Commander Sherman I had been aware there’s been some wholesale Scavenging going on and up to now I’ve tried to ignore it knowing the position you’re in but this
Time you’ve gone too far Commander Sherman I want my wall back I’m not sure that we have it sir well I’m sure you have it you have everything else now what did you want to see me about I revised my estimate of the Sea Tiger sir I think we have her in
Fighting trim all she needs now to get into action is her orders you’ve got your orders as of right now Now Matt you’ve got orders to check in with the psychiatrist sir the Sea Tiger a raid I have to get back my boat sir oh oskins give me the shore batteries
What all the lines are down I’ll go with you take the front seat Sir D chief that hit sir con Cas you may have sprung a few plates Mr Watson’s checking them came close enough for us to spit at and with that deck gun dismantled that’s about all we could do I’m afraid that’s it mat whenever they’re in the mood they know exactly
Where you are sir request permission to get underway immediately underway in this we’ve made amazing progress sir but she can’t even submerge you ride on top in daylight and you’re a dead duck Chief mumphrey yes sir will this boat go down like a rock sir what about the plates Mr Wat
Tight as a drum sir and the engine Chief Tustin Factory fresh sir what do you say sir I say take your scavengers and these liars and get out of here thank you sir and good luck oh sir what about our orders I’ll radio them in 12 hours Captain assuming you’re still afloat
Thank you sir hey this wouldn’t be the rest of my War I wouldn’t no Sir any casualties we can hit everyone’s okay sir and you are better than okay well I’m free I got your paint for the boat woo I bought a truck load off an old lady whose yacht got bombed gray and pink pink pink paint undercoating undercoating is either red or white
Mumphrey pink is a combination of red and white oh from h witch get this stuff aboard aboard you not aren’t you going to paint the boat not now we’re going into action into action you mean you mean fight up there you can’t you can’t take this boat
Out there no way she’s not equipped she she’s got a Jeep wheel for she has bathroom fixtures she’s put together with junk I know I got the junk out there we don’t even know if she can go under there Mr Holden I promise you we’ll be
Able us emerge coming up might be a bit of a Problem set the maneuvering watch I sir stand by your lines look out Sal off rck proceed maneuvering watch set sir very well start number one engine engine room Bridge start number one Engine start number one engine start number one Engine K the engine room anytime you’re ready engine room Bridge start number one engine whenever you’re ready oh that that’s the witch doctor sir I found him in the Hills you found him in the Hills yes sir and I hired him to ward off evil spirit sir and to
Wish us a safe journey I think we’re going to Need all the help we can get when he saw the boat he doubled his price give you exactly one minute get Those takeing all lines take in all lines sir full left Runner control room Bridge full left Runner all back 2/3 all back 2/3 they’ll never make it 1700 we’re 1 hour underway and the seat tiger is still afloat and intact it’s time to take our lady down and see how she holds up under pressure as I gave Mr Watson orders to submerge I couldn’t help thinking I may have made a
Mistake in not finding out whether Mr Holden’s Witch Doctor made boat calls Mr Watson we’re level at 5’8 ft sir in satisfactory good all right take it to 100 ft take her to 100 ft check all compartments for leaks all compartments check for leaks report to control all compartments check for leaks
Report to control I think we’re going to bust open like a Rotten Tomato St being so negative Bro think positive right sir I’m sure we’re going to bust open Like a Rock Chief look at this we’re sinking we’re diving take a look around check
For leaks leaks yeah what do I do if I find one swim 85 ft sir 87 94 ft sir we’re going to make it sir we only need 6 ft all you ever need is 6 ft 100 ft sir Fair trim all compartments report watertight [Applause] Sir thank you take her to 50 ft Mr Watson take her to 50 ft I’ll be in my quarters I expect orders at 0600 all I sir good night sir good night Mr Wson Captain mhm we have our order Sir oh come in well what are they we are to proceed at full speed out to maruk Island 13 decimal 5° north 122° east to Rendevous with Admiral Hatfield 9 September 1942 at400 the Admirals to be transported to Sabu transport Admiral Hatfield what is Henderson doing turning this into a cruise
Boat better tell mumphrey to break out the shuffle board there’s more sir oh yeah you will engage no enemy shipping what uh repeat you will engage no enemy shipping that’s it sir I guess it is thank you goon thank you Sir good morning sir good morning uh gardo G gardo where you going with that try uh to Mr Holden State Room sir to Mr Holden stateroom I’ll take the tra L thank you good morning Mr Holden oh good morning sir well sit down sit down thank you sir I hope I’m not disturbing you no no not at all sir this war must be a great inconvenience to you Mr Holden I uh try to make the best of it sir well you have you have why did you join the Navy uh well because I needed an officer’s
Uniform sir you see when I was a very small boy I was the victim of some vicious propaganda people kept telling me that money wasn’t everything and uh I believe them that is until I realize that the only ones who said it were the ones who had it what makes a
Uniform a blue chip investment oh it’s not the uniform itself sir it’s the contacts oh such as the Admiral and his dancing white huh yes sir Lieutenant you’ve been too long without an admiral tomorrow at 1400 you will Rendevous with Admiral Hatfield at marand duuk island
And escort him back to this boat Mr Watson will fill you in on the details yes sir oh oh one more thing I know you’re unfamiliar with the way the Navy functions at se we fight together we live together and we eat together now you have exactly 3 minutes
To get off your mattress and report to Mr Watson you’re going to learn something about a submarine if we have to pump it into intravenously oh well sir I if you mean if you referring to the breakfast here it’s just that well sir the Scuttle butt
Is that that at Daybreak we’re going to try to submerge yes and the way I look at it the condemned man eats a hearty Meal Mr Holden it’s past day break and we are submerged we are Mhm you mean there’s water up there a considerable about Mr Holden you Nervous where’s table from now on I’d appreciate your presents in the wardrobe for all meals I’ll go immediately sir oh wait a minute oh it’s too late you missed Beast deal of Fortune Saturday at 7:30 we’ve been at anchor for over an hour and we’re still missing one Lieutenant one Admiral and most of the war well we may have caught up with part of it still no sign of Mr Holden Chief no sir he’s been ashore more than an
Hour no more smoke eh no sir it uh could have been a bombing raid on the other side of the island or maybe even gorilla Warfare there’s Mr Holden Mr Holden is coming back sir war is Hell Mr Watson holy smokers what is a chief isn’t the
Admiral with Mr Holden if he is he’s got one heck of a chest sorry sir Army nurses ‘s the Admiral who Cares that statue on the bridge there is alive and well and to the best of our knowledge is our Skipper he doesn’t seem too friendly oh don’t let him frighten you lieutenant he’s uh he’s a little foul temper you know but uh I’m sure there’s a good side to him that none of
Us have ever seen uh major Hayward uh perhaps it would be a good idea if you and I went up first to greet the commander haward start up going major Hayward Commander Sherman major Captain Lieutenant Holden was kind enough to invite us to go with
You oh well the major in her Unit were stranded sir you see we landed here to refuel and this Admiral commanded our plane he said he was tired of waiting for the slowest boat in the Navy oh that wasn’t you was it sir was your Admiral Admiral Hatfield yes that
Was us oh I’m sorry oh right well we got another chance sir Emeral Hatfield’s plane was shot down at kacong he wants us to pick him up there he doesn’t want to fly anymore well that’s where he is that’s where we’re going to get him good and there’s there’s a harbor there sir
We can paint the boat she needs it she’s starting to rust Oh Captain there’s an army airfield there and we could catch up with our transport if you could uh oh well uh you’re welcome aboard major oh thank you sir all right Lieutenant ladies here we go here’s a h here we go
Okay nice that’s it careful careful careful Lieutenant Kfax Lieutenant Reed Lieutenant Duran sorry sir here we go okay thank you and Lieutenant Crandle Lieutenant Holden will you see the ladies below please yes sir follow me ladies I seem to be stuck Lieutenant Watson on sticker yes Sir thank you Lieutenant maor hawood yes sir we’re approximately 72 hours from car colong your nurses being women and uh our men being men and uh living in confined quarters and fairly close contact well uh it could create situations inconsistent with normal submarine operations the nurses are all well acquainted with the facts of Live
Captain so are the men major I’m just trying to avoid any exchange of information yes hey ity Works H I’m going to go tell the C what’s up never mind what’s up what’s coming down Mr Watson I think you should assemble a crew and instruct them to ignore
Completely the fact that our passengers are women I do that immediately sir it’s not El [Applause] mron sir the men are not to blame uh it was an instinctive response the the repressed feelings that have unexpectedly been released a five iron the golf clubs yeah had to utilize it Mr Holden didn’t think you’d object oh no no sir I do not object however I
Can’t speak for the Admiral they’re his clubs Mr Sol here sir major Hayward and the nurses will occupy the chief’s quarters in my state room the Chiefs will bunk with the men move my gear in with Mr Watson you will stay with Mr Holden yes sir Captain is there
Someplace we can wash a shower aboard the ship boat major boat captain I would be very happy to work out a shower schedule with the nurses well Mr stovel can arrange that Mr Holden yes sir uh you’ll be allowed to use it between 0630 and 0650 you’ll
Each be allowed a minute and a half a minute and a half problem with a fresh water supply anything else sir show the ladies to their quarters nurses Captain I will take the ladies to their quarters sir follow me nurses uh Captain yes most of our luggage was lost now
We’ve been in these uniforms for several days and I was wondering if you might have a surplus of clothes that we might wear until we wash these hey I I’m sure we can help you out major uh our supply officer Mr Holden has an extensive line I know of
Uniforms and if he can’t help you out I’m sure you’ll find plenty of other volunteers thank you Captain you’re welcome major Mr Watson let’s get underway my eyes Sir station is for getting underway you are tall determined to catch up with Admiral Hatfield I’ve ordered full speed ahead and set the
Shortest course for carac along although it means passing through the Japanese blockade while we were operating in enemy Waters Mr hold was operating in much more friendly territory Lieutenant Reed where are you okay let me see 36 24 and 36 perfect I have to agree are you on tend you doing thank
You you’re welcome bye bye H okay 36 24 35 now you’ve given me your age and your IQ Lieutenant but what did the last number mean that’s cute very cute okay Lieutenant here you are these are your little shorts there thank you lieutenant Lieutenant crle yes sir Lieutenant you are much much too
Broad shouldered I’m sorry oh don’t be don’t be uh mumphrey is about your size now mumphrey’s quarters are are right next to the cruise shower thank you very much you’re most welcome bye-bye bye-bye major Hayward major I think this will do nicely oh thank you lieutenant you’re
Welcome oh and for your records 35 25 36 Lieutenant Duran Lieutenant Duran lieutenant Lieutenant where did you get those uh from Alvin Alvin Alvin hunkle he saw you might not have enough for all of us Alvin was wrong I think I can fit you perfectly in fact I’m sure of it what that the captain’s taking her down we’re
Under water mhm you nervous yeah well I was nervous too the first time I went under I’m all right now you know huncle’s clothes do nothing for you why hide art Treasures in a shopping bag once you come with me I’ll find something hey no I’m comfortable in
These back home on the farm I always walls where was the farm in Idaho we’re listing again I didn’t notice well you’ll get used to it oh why does the vote do that we’re trimming our ballast what’s that mean well it’s uh it’s kind of like shifting weights on a
Scale to make it balance oh there we go again so where are Ido oh it’s a small town you probably never heard of it Jo me Mr Hen Excuse me yes sir uh when you’re through with a pharmacist mate you reli Mr Watson on watch the pharmacist mat sir yes that inner ear
Problem I’m worried about you you keep losing your Balance Captain yes I’d like to thank you for what did we rescuing you from Lieutenant Holden no sir for rescuing us from the island no what can be sorry we must be triming our Ballance I’ve heard that one before Captain evening Chief Sir Chief this is
A first I’ve never known you to surface when we’re running there some women I told you sir having a woman on board is bad luck and if having one on board is bad luck what do you think five women are going to give what do you want me to
Do chief throw them overboard something to think about Sir well that’s just a Superstition women Aren’t I’m sorry she’s a Japanese spy major Hayward thought the clothes would drive faster in the engine room you know with all the Heat and everything while I hung them on the wheel and I didn’t realizeed the clothes were so heavy and is everyone all right no I’m
Not Lieutenant why don’t you go to your quarters well what about the clothes sir but Chief and I will work that out right sir oh I’m sorry you’re all wet sir oh let me dry you off uh no thank you lieutenant I’m in the engine room
I’ll dry quickly good night yes sir good night Sir night what do we do with that we hang it up Chief the sooner dries the sooner we’ll get it out of here you hold this I’ll tie it off I wonder if we should wash this again or spin on the floor night suppose We well I think we had that pretty nicely good night Chief Good I’m terribly sorry about what happened I’d like to speak to the chief is he in the engine room yes but I’m afraid it’s no woman’s land I owe an Apology James toson yes ma’am I’m sorry about any of the problems we’ve caused you yes ma’am good night ma’am you really got your hands full here haven’t you half of these parts don’t even belong in a submarine no offense ma’am but what would you know about Machinery well no
Offense Chief but I was raised with Machinery uh my father was U chief engineer of the Seattle power plant you’re can to have trouble with this if you don’t install a new valve spring you can’t install a new valve spring if you don’t have one
Now well let me think about it I might be able to solve your problem you’re going to jump ship good night Chief D dulie put these clothes lines somewhere where I can’t see him okay chief you all right yeah when I was a kid and something went
Wrong I’d kind of make a game out of it I’d list all the bad things on one side of a sheet of paper then list all the good things on the other side somehow they always balanced out and I felt better today the bad things are my boat
Is still running on two engines I have five non-regulation Army nurses aboard and although I have orders to pick up an admiral we’ve run into a storm that’s slowing us down on the good side you know that was a stupid game I played when I was a kid Morning Captain morning how’s your
Shower sir non-existent I can’t get in there Morning Captain morning gardo Cy Captain yes thank you gardo what’s the word of a storm no according to the meteorological report we should have run within an hour good we’ve got to get to caracon and schedule we can’t afford to miss that Admiral
Again oh sit down captain I’ll bring you thank you gardo where’s Gallardo from Philippines I guess sir why oh thank you Goro speech pattern sounds different you might ask Uncle sir Uncle you signed him aboard right the storm gets any worse we’re in trouble it’s already slowing us down sir
We’re losing a couple of knots better than losing the boat yes sir that’s right Sir we’re lifting sir yes I noticed That what’s malrey doing well we have a leaky valve sir we’re losing hydraulics in the stern plane uh can he fix it oh we’re trying sir it will help if we can stay on the surface we can’t do that too many enemy aircraft in the area oh I
Suppose if we don’t have to dive suddenly or Run Deep sir we should be able to make it to carong do you want some coffee Mr sto well I don’t Know yeah I need some coffee got to take my shower I’ll take the table sir good luck with the First on Mr Watson oh good morning good morning I’m having a little trouble I can’t seem to get it to work I think there’s something wrong with the shower head oh would you
Help me yes I’d like to apologize again Captain for causing the trouble in the engine room oh that’s quite all right are you sure you followed the instructions yes I did I turn this one and this one and this one right I think that’s what I
Did well at least let me blly you off no no no that’s that’s quite clever shower schedule you worked out sir saves water no no no no no I I was just showing her how to operate search your boat if you want to have the
Shower no no no no I I forgot my shower cap would you hold this please I’ll be right back good morning morning good morning sir good morning Uncle Uncle uh gardo gardo gardo yes a m t yeah you you signed him on uh what do
You know about him well I I didn’t I I mean I I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t sign him on sir it must have been Mrs sto we had so many men reporting for Duty sir excuse me thank you Captain I’ll be just a minute and a half I’m sorry sir I hope
You don’t mind a little professional advice but you look a little peaked tense when a person’s nervous and irritable you can be sure there’s something he’s not getting enough of vitamins and minerals oh dear what you need is in here I didn’t think it would be but
They’re in my other P box I’ll get them oh no no no that’s quite all right don’t bother Lieutenant it’s no bother sir no no you can give it to me later all right I’ll be out in a minute and a half right Captain you got to get
That woman in the thing out of my engine room sir the major yes sir if you don’t you’re going to have a mutiny on your hand a later Chief I I now sir no but I all right Julie you stand guard here Lieutenant CR can come out but nobody
Can go in the next shower is mine it’s mine the next shower is mine I don’t care what she says sir I don’t want it in my engine room what what that it’s only temporary sir Captain what are you going to do about well it looks like
It works that thing going up and down it’s inent Chief what other choice do we have none sir not until we make a valve spring what do you mean we I’ll draw up the design you can turn it out excuse me I don’t want that thing
Around me all day I know the feeling chief chief I’m going to go take my shower what goes up must come Down everybody thinks what goes down must come up Unless is he always like that no sometimes he gets depressed it’s amazing how compact everything is well you know in a submarine you have to learn how to operate in very close quarters good morning Lieutenant good morning sir good morning Mr Stovall Lieutenant Duran would like to look through the Periscope there’s nothing
Out there but ocean but if you like ocean just Walker easy a walker easy turn it very Slowly you’re doing it very well thank you just terrific what’s that ship out there ship hold on holy cow we got a Sitting Duck what were you looking at a ship or a farm oh yeah it’s a tanker and a good one at least 8,000 tons of her and she’s
Riding loan mean she’s still loaded sir number one tube is operational sir all we need is one shot this BR wasn’t meant to be an old maid all right Mr stoar let’s go duck hunting you line her up I’ll get the captain you better get below the 10 loow
Torpedo two one load torpedo 2 1 Captain we’ve made contact sir what an enemy tanker off our starboard side she’s tied up in the harbor just begging to be sunk we have orders Lieutenant we’re not to engage in battle sir it won’t be a battle one shot and she’s
Gone no semantic games Mr Holden Captain I understand the moral dilemma you’re facing Lieutenant you’re not even remotely acquainted with morality and it’s not a dilemma it’s a frustration a tail griping frustration but I have my orders and I intend to obey them and you mister could make
Things much easier if you had stopped trying to beat the system sir sir I am not trying to beat the system I’m trying to beat the enemy there is enough oil in that tanker to keep the blockade going for another month Mr Holden why you’re wearing that
Uniform is your business what it does while it’s on this boat is my business and it’s going to obey orders or be confined to quarters is that clear yes sir we on target sir negative secure from Battle station torpedo down scope but sir the way she’s waiting she’ll
Sink like one of my mother’s donuts oh Jes C Lieutenant will you get below your vitamin pills will you get below No up scope did I do something Wrong what happened sir we’ve just sunk a truck let’s get out of range of those Shore batteries sir where’s Lieutenant crle she went to her quarters sir she couldn’t help but it was an accident exactly what I planed tell her Lieutenant Captain that’s J I’m ashamed of myself sir I know how
You want this boat to get in action and how tough it was for you to follow those damn orders I shouldn’t have made it any tougher forget it chief Herbert got to tell you it’s not tough It’s murder you just have to try to bear with it Captain flooding in the radio room
Captain flooding in the Radio Room hey hold one of our shells hit us here stop make lo by Dam control team hold this one all right steal it off back do it do it what’s our next move what do you think Chief well sir either we can tie
Up somewhere and jury patch it or or we can sink oh Choice where’s the nearest Naval Base our destination sir car we’ll never make it where’s the nearest Island Mingus now they have no docking facility Well there’s an inlet that I remember
Sir if we Dam it up and we pump it out I think we can manage our repairs well we’ve got her in dry doct I should painter painter Chief we have an admiral waiting for us again we’ll do it while we’re making repairs there won’t be any
Loss of Time how long do you estimate it will take well sir if the men sleep on the beach and we work around the clock and shifts 48 Hours 36 hours maybe less that’s Mr Holden yes sir set up a schedule for the work detail Chief alumy estimates it’ll take about 36 hours
Anything you can do to shorten that will be appreciated I sir all right Gentlemen let’s set our course for Mingus hi sir Mingus island is seductive more conducive to play than to work Chief alumy and his painting crew are relaxing while the rest of us have the Sea Tiger
Out on the Shakedown Cruise one of the principal players of course is Mr Holden we have however managed to make our repairs and give the boat a pink undercoat saving the gray for the Finish Cod no leaks it’s working beautifully emal haille still wants to keep the
Rendevous sir our delay gave him a chance to recuperate they’re asking for confirmation affirmative I can’t confirm sir the transmitter isn’t working keep trying Chief mrey did a great job but will it work sir I mean using wood well it may seem somewhat Innovative Mr sto but back in the States there’s talk
About possibly making an entire boat out of wood we’re stable sir and all compartments are holding Mr Watson we have ourselves a boat take her up hi hi sir stand by to Surfit success Lieutenant I award you this coconut I consider an honor sir and I’ll Weare it proudly thought that was supposed to be done on both cheeks only by amateurs are your planes let’s try it again you’re supposed to hear Bells I hear bells I hear planes enemy PL come on and pink and a great CR sound General qus hit the dead gun Mr To All right let’s get them my hand here they Come Go see you’re going the wrong Way help help help Oh I got you wet Again make watch prepare to die Captain look what Hold’s going to get us all killed come On we sitting duck sir do we dive come On he’s a very powerful swimmer sir but he’s not going to get her here in time we’ve got to dive no no this is still get below watch him get my hand hi Sir Come come on all right let’s figure it out Fast Sir I I just wanted to thank you for the risk you took a risk I should not have had to take Mr Holden your inability to accept responsibility endangered the lives of everyone on board this boat I put you in charge of a work party and
You turn it into a beach party but I shouldn’t bother you with the problems of command because I doubt that you will ever have one Mr Holden you are confined to quarters until we reach carong at which time I am transferring you off of this boat and if possible out of this
Navy that is All captain that wasn’t all Lieutenant Holden’s fault everybody was kind of drunk on fresh air and palm trees it was uh Stupid who’s stupid yes stupid who stupid thank you MRE maybe I overreacted yes sir stupid And saved our skin this battle he did win but it was foolish for him to try for if not today tomorrow we die how you feeling Dolores fine thanks but very stupid stupid I been thinking about all all the problems I’ve given you the engine room the
Torpedoes with me around you don’t need the enemy I owe you an apology no I owe you one I was on my way to make it yesterday and the war got in away so I’m sorry I accept could you tell me what it was for
If you don’t remember what it was for I retract the apology now I lost my temper in the control room Captain we picked up Tokyo Rose on the radio sir oh I’ll be right there St see you later goodbye sir before our next number I have a
Message for the crew of that Pink Submarine cruising somewhere in the cell BC how did she know we were pink fellows start the new year off right surrender we don’t know what you’re up to but it won’t work all you’ve done painting yourself pink is to make it easier for
Us to find you that’s not good news so why die boys and now an appropriate number she’s right sir a Pink Submarine is an awful easy target the spot what are we got to do we hide Mr Watson till one of our own ships sites us sheill us qu Us [Applause] in yes
Commander just check with British Australian and Dutch Naval units they have no pink submarines well certainly not one of ours Al intelligence Fields the Tokyo Rose broadcast is a decoy to slip onto their own Subs through that’s one trick they won’t get away with notify all Allied Naval units any
Unidentified submarines pink or otherwise they be sunk on sight yes sir Sir Destroyer bearing 275° that’s one of ours well how do you want to contact them sir our radio still isn’t transmitting by visual signal stand by the surface get Goss it up here down scope d by to service SE Gosset report to the conning Tower sir is the pink Up down General qus Mr Morrison take that submarine under the fire I ey sir all ahead flank crash D take a deep I thought that Destroyer was one of ours it is but they don’t know we one of theirs they’re diving Sir standby to roll dep Charges they hit us Shake us Apart all stop turn off the engine I think they’re getting closer sir Captain what if we try to convince them we’re sunk stop everything that floats in the torpedo tube and send it to the surface it’s an old trick sir but uh we need all the help we can get sir I’m Aly go ahead yes
Sir come on come on come on come on go and go I am afraid we can’t use this bro thank you though sir lady’s underwear Uncle no I I took it because they relax UNC yes sir I took it because they gave it to me sir and
Nurses there will’ll be some help and frankly we need as much help as we can get sir maybe an understat go go ahead yes sir come on move it go come on come on come on come on we’re ready with you are sir Fire Skipper look we sunk something so we sunk something damn it’s got to be trick continue death Charges I guess they’re not buying it no but we’re going to if we don’t do something mumphrey break out a momson lung Mr Watson may I talk to you in private for a moment by I Sir Mr Watson what’s the momson L for sir I’m going to try to make it to the surface you can’t do it a momson lung is operational to about 100 ft we’re far beyond its operation D it’s an awful risk sir I’m aware of the risk Mr Watson I’m unaware of any
Options if we can get someone to the surface in the Yankee uniform they can yell stop in a language they can understand if he makes it Mr Watson you’re in charge of the boat until I return Let’s we only have one mom’s in lung that’s all we need but it’s not working it needs adjusting adjusted Captain you’re not thinking of going up there in this thing are you Captain sir request permission to go ashore I have the uniform I’d like to make the tra Mr
Holden yes sir isn’t that out of character I don’t think so sir one of those is going to hit us eventually and if I have to have a funeral I don’t just want to be one of the guys I name on a List thought you grew up in Noah his AR territory never traveled alone well I’m gaining wisdom with age sir I’ve become a private person I don’t want to share anymore especially my death do you have that ready yet almost captain no disrespect sir but I I think
Would be a good idea if the lieutenant used it he’s got 10 years on you sir could make a big difference remember that extra 20 ft sir I was on the fleet swimming team sir well I don’t want to disappoint you or Mr Watson or mumphrey
So go ahead good luck it’ll just take a minute sir have to secure it by the way Captain uh in that little dialogue between you and Mr Watson how come that was outside my state room were you planning to go through with this or was that all for my benefit
Secure in other words sir did I volunteer or was I volunteer what you know when you return good luck yes sir Let’s give a look bab R Go my let’s surface and pick up Mr H finally carac colong and finally on time assuming Admiral Hatfield is still on the island more coffee Captain yes thank you gardo no thank you gardo sir the Admiral’s launch is approaching and Mr Holden and the nurses are waiting to go ashore thank you Mr Watson sir I’ll make
A fresh pot of coffee in case the Admiral wants some right Mr stoel here sir stoel where’s gardo from I don’t know sir you signed him on no I didn’t uh huncle did huncle said you did never mind to whom do I report Captain we haven’t had a chance to cut your orders
Yet Mr Holden so they’ll be verbal yes sir I’ve arranged to have you assigned to the submarine Sea Tiger here sir well I have some influence with the commanding officer he’s a son of an admiral but uh he appreciates good men thank you Sir what you holding now that you’ve rejoined our ranks one question what’s gallardo’s name beg your pardon gardo I’m esward what’s his real name Kim yosizaki sir Japanese well no no he’s an American but of Japanese descent he’s an old friend and you showed him away on my
Boat yes sir you see keimy wound up in an internment camp in Manila and when the reprisal started after the bombing rid I just didn’t want anything to happen to him Mr Holland I’m afraid you’re going to take offense at what I’m about to say but uh you’re a fraud I try
Sir if you want to be thought of as a con man you’re going to have to do a better job right now Mr Holden you’re in danger of being known as a sentimentalist maybe even a humanist can’t let that happen can we I’ll keep you secret thank you sir I
Appreciate that Captain Admiral Hatfield is coming aboard sir right Mr Watson Aboard the welcome boat sir hon Stova will show you to your quarters sir thank you Captain this way sir major Haywood you and your nurses may use my boat thank you sir there’s a plane waiting at the air strip they’ll take you to the nearest army base yes
Sir thank you and goodbye sir bye major bye thank you Captain you’re welcome goodbye sir goodbye Lieutenant goodbye bye sir goodbye take care I will I’m sorry oh it’s all right give me something to remember you by goodbye goodbye goodbye Captain goodbye Lieutenant goodbye Barbara hey you never
Gave me the name of the little town what town the town in Idaho poell I’ll see you goodbye Captain yes sir is there something wrong sir you’ve got a Jeep wheel on the trim control golf clubs operating the Kingston valves and a girdle in the engine room yes sir I know sir any
Skipper who can keep this boat in fighting trim deserves every common in the book right now I hope you’ll be satisfied with a salute Captain I’m proud to be aboard your vote thank you sir on behalf of the crew I thank you as your were what’s that all the planes are
Taking off sir why why Captain there’s a flight of bombers headed this way orders have come through to clear the air strip transfer all operational aircraft to Sabu sir one of those is the nurse’s plane what do we do well Mr Holden I guess we’ll have to invite them on
Board yes sir nurses would you like to come aboard it’s like asking Jonah if he wants to take another trip with the whale Vis for getting underway all sir The Stand by to racing Anchor Thank you m holding uh yes sir you think we’ll ever get the Naes off this boat with any luck sir No la
1 Comment
appreciate it : ) always a fan of john astin….the short lived tv show i decent too