Where Golf and Comedy Collide | Comedians in Carts Making Bogeys

Welcome to another episode of Comedians in Carts Making Bogeys, hosted by Derrick Knopsnyder. Derrick welcomes long-time comic Jeff Allen to the cart. During their five-hole match, Derrick and Jeff (two avid golfers) share stories from on the road and on the course.

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My buddy hit a shot we told him to hit he was 260 yards yeah I said you ain’t hit a three-wood that fire in your life and sure enough man there was a guy leaning on his Putter and we by the time we started yelling four it was too late so he gets

Hit in the small of his back and he goes down like a Kennedy I mean he’s like a Kennedy out out and he drives up and the guy jumped up he goes holy cow you hit it that far that was amazing I said out of all the people in America you could

Have hit he was pumped he was pumped clip that that’s the intro right there Boys in case you’re wondering he went down like a Kennedy wow welcome to Nashville known for world famous honky tons country music Drunk bachelorette parties and of course bad decisions 1 2 3

Tequila this city is one of America’s hottest destination spots it’s also home to one of America’s best upand cominging comedy scenes all right we made it to Nashville from Broadway to the Fairway let’s go but just a few minutes outside of the hustle and bustle of Music City

You can get sucked into the Rolling Hills long Fairways and greens that are as smooth as Tennessee whiskey and today we’re at Greystone playing with none other than comedy Legend Jeff Allen are you a I don’t know if I was a but I wasn’t smart enough to figure out that

Was a rhetorical question he’s been doing comedy for over 30 years has had his own sick and of course is an avid golfer so we packed up the car and headed to the volunteer state I’m Derek knober and this is comedians in carts making boats yeeh teacher looked right at me she said

Derek what should you wear to prevent unwanted pregnancy I said Crocs and I we’re here at Greystone getting ready to take on Jeff Allen but before I do that I got to go get ready all right we’re ready all right Jeff what is that we can’t play for nothing I went to a

Thrift store and I found the most Tennessee thing I could find all right and this is our trophy today all right I’m you beat me you get this guitar this you what do you get I got all right I’ll tell you what I got all right I got a a

$2 build on my father’s deathbed he sold me this for five bucks cuz it’s so rare it all all right fivefold match make some make some this is hey we’re in your territory here man so you got to lead me here that’s right is that going to get

Lucky look at that out of the car right out of the car right out of the car 134 probably take 10 off 10 off yeah for sure that’s what that’s what the clubs tell me whenever I’m on doing a set hey I know you’re supposed to be doing 20

But take 10 off take 10 off [Laughter] tell oh thin again I to make this to stay even I really want that $2 bill I haven’t had one since I was seven well you obviously don’t go to the racetrack that’s that’s also true but you can’t leave it short it did

You can’t leave it short you’re so much closer to that clock than I am that $2 bill Well that’s not going to hurt You yeah I remember you now I remember you didn’t miss a fairway n that’s my go-to there’s only two kinds of comedians in the world comedians that have bombs and liar if you’ve never bombed you’re not a comic right when you bomb that’ll determine whether or not cuz the humiliation that comes attached

To that I was at a college and and then somebody hit me in a chest with a bear bottel you know and I put the mic in the stand and said thank you I can leave now you couldn’t leave until you got yeah I couldn’t leave till I got you know cuz

Of the contract you know you got to get 45 tell you what that wasn’t bad so I’m running in the car and the drunken woman who HED me screaming I’ll sue you I go look lady I got that much dignity left that much self-respect that I’m taking

It and going home I assume all you want I don’t care oh no now you kidding and that that is how you get back to even yeah that is how you get back to even folks Tell me the story about performing at a strip club they brought me in because the guy I was filling in for was in rehab oh you won you’re up honors let’s play Let’s Play by the rules I mean just a little bit of eate goes a long way I

Know man I’m sorry it’s all right you were performing before the strippers no the strippers need a break you know they work hard that’s a beauty if that’s the right number so I’d walk out and the first thing I’d say is I heard you chanting where’s the comic where the

Comment and they go no we hate you I go well you know I’m here girls need a rest man you know and believe me stud she’s talking about you backstage yeah yeah I want that $2 bill they wanted to hire me for 28 weeks I mean I don’t even know how to

Hit it that hard and I said they hate me he goes but they stay all right all right that’s an elevant up and down you keep him engaged Yeah by screaming at me heckling it’s l t I had higher aspirations for my career and here you are with me oh that’s too

Bad that’s too bad that’s too bad if I have had that speed on the first that’s too bad oh that’s embarrassing three holes down 21 yeah the good guys winning yeah for now hey for now I just want a quick reminder I’m up two up one two to one yeah match play so

You’re up two yeah up one one up after three We were playing golf and like it was a blind shot down Overhill I never saw her I hit got her right in the head with a golf ball in the head in the right in the temple oh my Lord and she’s screaming and she’s pissed good ball thank you her friend

After the the whole day is over there’s an ambulance there everything her friend’s like hey sweetie she’s like don’t worry about her she’s just really upset cuz like a month and a half ago she was playing softball she got Bean in the head with the softball and she said

And now today she’s playing golf and you hit her in the head with a golf ball swear to God true story sit my buddy looks at her and he says well tell her to never go bowling I swear to God yeah the Divine is telling you

So boom in the cup no it didn’t drink wow let’s go we are all tied up baby one ho to go we’re all tied up I’m getting that $2 bill from his Daddy final hole Winner Takes all we got my amazing thrift store find versus his dad’s final $2 bill which was actually worth $5 apparently a guy like you been doing it for 40 years I’ve been doing it for 12 years what advice if you could tell yourself

Something 12 years into comedy that’s a peach what would that be oh I I said put it right beside me you might have I heard a story about somebody was complaining to I think it was Jay Len I can’t get on Letterman and Leno said change so be willing to step

Out you know you talked about risks i’ I’ve always been willing to do new material at one point I thought well Dennis Miller was what I wanted him to be Shakespeare said to thine own self be true I found out what works for me find what works for you your voice and just

Plug stuff into it what are we two two 2 two I’ll not it up this is for the win that’s in that actually oh it’s got to come down stop I’ve been out here 25 years I don’t know how to read a dream all right I’ll

Pass on to you what was passed on to me you get good at your craft the work will come to you oh too bad too bad too sad on the lip for the ukulele for the $2.99 I’m going to make my wife put it in the living room yes you

Won whether it’s a stage or a golf course it’s always a pleasure sharing with you sir thank you BL thank you guys I think Steve Martin said get so good they can’t ignore you that’s right just keep working on your craft man don’t they kiss the trophy there you go there you [Laughter] Go