The Best Of Intern Mike Schur | The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Hollywood showrunner and Meadowlark Media Intern Mike Schur has joined the show as much as anyone around our universe, and when he hasn’t been telling us his Stat of the Day or sharing the horrors of his nightmares about Jimmy Butler, he’s spent some time regaling the crew with his own “Observations,” shattering “Look at me Louie” records, and even revealing his own Top 5 lists. Here’s a sample of some of his best work as an intern.

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The Best Daily Sports Podcast on the Internet

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You want a best of the Dan lebatard show with studos the best of Mike sh how to be perfect with Mike Sher creator of the good place in parts and wreck want to encourage the audience and the people who support us to support the new book

How to Be Perfect the correct answer to every moral question is available today Mike Sher is joining us he’s written the book and I don’t mean to be paternal and I’m sorry if it sounds this way but I am legitimately proud that this man with so

Much going on in his life decided to tackle this project because the pandemic and some of the selfishness in the world bothered him so much that he decided to write a book about every philosopher throughout time how they would answer every question it’s a philosophy book it’s a degree of difficulty book it’s

Got comedy in it and I encourage you to to buy it because it’s available today he also does for metal Arc media the podcast with Joe posnansky and it’s great it’s they’re fun and they’re smart and their Sports analysis is excellent when they Dain to talk about sports

Which isn’t all that often so I want you to support what it is Mike’s doing because I’m telling you that this project of his was a big tackle how’s the reception gone so far Mike and thank you we’ve got a lot of different things we want to do with you here including

Something wonderful for Stant but uh how was the project going with the book and how was it being received first of all thank you Dad that was very nice of you to say that you’re proud of me um it’s going well I mean I don’t know we’ll see

In in a week or so uh I guess if people bought it and liked it but um it was a labor of love it came out of making the show the good place and thinking about this stuff and talking about it with some very smart and funny people for

About a part of six years and it was sort of I it was sort of like my exit interview from from writing that show it was like here’s everything I learned and I’m going to try to present it in a way that people can actually enjoy instead of the

Act the original philosophy books which are usually dense and opaque and unreadable so I’m I’m proud of it I’m happy that I did it it was not easy to do although it did give me something to focus on during the pandemic when I was locked in my house but you say labor of

Love it was also a labor born of fear and horror correct you’re decent about these things but you what is happening in this country is like you don’t get more appalled than you get when you worry about the threats to democracy all around us that’s true although I started

Writing it before the pandemic before a lot of this stuff had happened so it was a it was a combo platter it was like I think this stuff is really important every day and then also recently especially in this country some things have happened that have made it even

More important I tried not to make the book political or or about the pandemic although it would have been kind of easy to do that it’s really just about like looking around and trying to figure out maybe how we can all be like 1% better it’s a it’s the Moneyball approach to

Morality I guess it’s like let’s just try to get like one or 2% better in a bunch of different Arenas in our lives and then that Rising tide will lift all boats that’s the basic idea so leftist liberal hackery that’s right yeah I mean that’s you know we assume that for me

Right that’s that’s a give Hollywood Elite Hollywood elitist leftist uh socialist whatever sure go ahead okay so we’re ask you to support the people who support us and this uh this podcast is climbing because it is a lot of fun and and you know he has smart people around

That he has fun with and this guy we like to have fun here this guy is somebody who’s been doing comedy for a generation of people across Saturday Night Live good place and you know Brooklyn 99 uh parks and wreck so with that as your introduction St do you know

What’s coming up here because one of the best moments we’ve had in the last year is when Mike Sha during Freedom did a ripoff of you a copycat an homage of just stug got’s weekend observation it was incredible I was honored I have thanked Mike a couple of times via text

But I have no idea what’s about to happen here Mike by the way I was a sue award-winning performance you know wow congrats congratulations boy yes and so what do you want to tell because he does not know we have teased him today saying we’ve got something delightful going on

Because that’s as happy as I’ve seen him in a year when you were doing during free you one of a great comedy writer was basically doing a ripoff of stug got it he was joyous yes well you know I’m a huge fan of the show and I listen to it

Uh listen to some part of it essentially every day I’ve been listening to it every day in the New Year in 2022 and I have made some observations here in January it is time for to share his game notes no one in the media will tell you

What happened better than my boys Mike Sure January observations is brought to you by draft gangs lost another 16 te parlay and hoping to salvage your weekend by taking the under on Minnesota Boston College women’s ice hockey try DraftKings Dan after a solid thrashing at the hands of the Alabama

Crimson Tide it looked like all was lost but then became a thrilling national championship game where that defeat was Avenged and a title was delivered to the peach state for the first time in 40 years and after that decisive Victory make no mistake about it Mike Ryan’s hair is

Back Hollywood supports me Mike’s hair May hey Mike the excuse es and explanations to get out of shaving your head when it’s clear that you’re supposed to shave your head the endless appeals and explanations in filibusters that have gone on so long we’re all annoyed and kind of just want

To let you win Mike this St gots is strong in you you’re playing Mo it’s a heady play by you my friend no pun intended the show would be better without Mike’s mullet business in the front disaster in the back shave it I’m just kidding never shave it Mike why because bleep them

That’s why hey New metalark Media drinking game we all do a shot of tequila every time Dan lebatard says the phrase across decades we will all be dead by 11: a.m. hey Dan you can just say for 20 years or for the last 30 years you’ve been using the phrase across

Decades across two decades Chris Cody fired by ESPN rehired by Dan Wonder where he fits in in metalark media and all it took for him to find his place was to royally screw up an adre so badly that the company had no choice but to lean in and embrace the futility sheets and

Giggles shiggles thorough incompetence competence and yet he is by far far the more talented Cody wow what happened there what happened Chris Whittingham good morrow my fine sir pry did thou see the Arsenal Liverpool fixture in the carabal cup semis the Gunners had the Run of play

And were by a fair bit the better side but the liver puddly and swashbuckling attack proved too strong and the dooga Yoda brace proved the difference you’re British that’s what I’m saying TW and you’re British person a person now please don’t tell Dan that we recently had a lengthy text

Exchange about International test Cricket it’s true witty I recently listened to a local hour and heard David Samson take a bold and brave stance in favor of coaches hitting their players on the head you rarely hear the pro side of that argument so I salute you David Samson

For standing up for what you believe in which in this case was that coaches should be allowed to hit their players on the head you know what the eye and David stands for Dan it stands for I think it’s fine when coaches hit their players on the head David

Samson appearing in a documentary about Woody Hayes collision course that’s right I just dropped a woody Haze ref Cody loved it I did because he’s been the standard for coaches punching players on the head across decades across five decades great job by you Jessica smana the only person in the world whose

Top three Sports interests are the Pittsburgh Steelers the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and someone named Lewis Hamilton and before you tell me that leis Hamilton is actually the biggest sports star in the world because actually Formula 1 actually is actually the biggest actual sport in the world I don’t care Formula

1 blah blah blah Max vers stappen blah blah blah you know what Max vers stappen do it at the aramco Grand de espa in Barcelona guy was 15.84% in Barcelona wants to call himself a champion please there Sten couldn’t even beat valter bodus at the Rolex Turkish Grand Prix in Istanbul Max vers

Stappen more like Max keep stoen you know what the v in ver stoen stands for Dan I do not very far behind valter bodus at the Rolex Turkish Grand Prix in Istanbul medy Roy Bellamy uh oh how’s it going man doing good Mike thanks all right yeah everything all right yeah everything’s

All right you’ve been a little quiet recently and by recently across Ian since 2007 across decades yeah but here in January you’ve been even quieter is it because the lightning are nipping at the ice cat’s Frosty Paws with the maple leafes right behind and third it can be

Stressful being a fan of a sport that no one cares about you’re right I I should know I watch baseball speaking of which Billy Gill uh oh pitchers and catchers report in like two weeks maybe assuming there is a baseball season which there definitely might not

Be you know what the b in baseball stands for Dan I do not it stands for bleeping it up yeah as in the owners are really bleeping this up they always are Billy don’t worry about baseball being cancelled it’s only about nine more months before you can go back to hosting a

Podcast featuring Jaba Chamberlain and one of the Lesser gronowski Brothers every morning in my podcast for you I get somewhere around 60 new podcasts from you guys the local hour the Big sooie South Beach sessions the podcast with Joe pansy and Michael the post game show I’m getting there the post game show

Copile Montgomery and Company off the Looking Glass something called the podcast with Joe name drunk AEL Hassen talking about basketball you know what the W and metalark stands for Dan I do not it stands for way too many goddamn podcasts so true DraftKings gave you 50 million doll that’s about $8 per

Podcast you put out I know content is King but slow the hell down speaking of Hell art bals Dan those are the January yes excellent amazing original that’s hard to do that’s I don’t know whether you feel pressure or expectations on the stuff that you do because it is hard to continually meet

Those expectations Mike sh’s top five actors that will steal your wife top five actors who you’re worried that if you leave them with your wife your wife will leave you need to look at number five John ham ham bone did you see him last night at the

Uh at the allstar game still I mean looks amazing the crazy perfect and and just and very masculine number four Timothy olant thought you were gonna go with Shalom no shalom’s shalom’s um showing your AG beautiful person no of course I’m I’m I’m doing this based on my my my

Wife I’m worried about my wife sham shom’s a beautiful person but he’s he’s less threatening to me because he’s uh he’s made out of Fine China he weighs 110 pounds and uh you know that’s less threatening to me um olant though Cowboy rugged handsome perfectly symmetrical

Face he’s got it all uh all right number three uh I’ll say Manny hento Anto played played uh uh Jason Mendoza on the good place I don’t know if you’ve ever seen what he looks like but it’s not he’s not I don’t think he’s a human

Being he’s like he was sent from outer space to be attractive at any point as you write a book about uh people making principal decisions in all circumstances using life’s uh and history’s philosophers to choose uh is this person Manny hento uh somebody who could actually lure your wife or are you now

Realizing that you need to make your uh list a bit diverse here because otherwise it’s just going to be everyone looks like John Ham go look at go look at pictures of Manny hento on the internet and tell me that you wouldn’t be worried that your wife would run away

I’m not saying he’s not beautiful I’m just asking you if you have considered before making your list I can’t have five John hams no not everybody is as cynical as you are Dan you know some PE some some people don’t don’t make everything a calculation number two just number two uh it’s

Christmas that’s a fine number and number one actually number two is to tie it’s Christmas and Idris Ela great shout yeah he’s beautiful number one I find I find his accent to be so mysterious because it’s it’s it’s South London Cockney but it’s also like uh it’s it’s there’s also like some some

Other hints in there I don’t know I don’t I can’t really put my finger on it doesn’t sound like Ian Wright he sounds like Idis Elba his accent is um the technical uh lexicographical term for it is handsome he speaks he speaks handsome speaks BL and yeah yeah put it on the

Poll please at lebatard show does Elba speak handsome number one Matthew Ree I can Google image this guy I have no idea what he looks like he looks like spy that you would let spy on your country because you couldn’t tell him no that’s right if you if you Google him you you won’t your first instinct will

Not be oh this guy is as handsome as Ider selba or Timothy olant but um but watch the Americans or anything he’s ever been in he does some wild [ __ ] in that show too that you’re just like wow well they really went there on TV to be

Honest I’m not seeing it Lads I’m not I’m not seeing it it doesn’t it’s not about the it’s it’s about the it’s about the Performing the wga strike explained while Cody Gets a Haircut Mike sure you are looking at what’s happening over my right shoulder and you are thinking what

We have pointed out that he looks like Colonel Jessup I’m getting Joe peshy is anyone else getting joe peshy huh that’s not what you want to go for there right Greg Cody Joe pesy would be bad correct we don’t want Joe pesi do we we want Colonel Jessup yeah I prefer Colonel Jess

Absolutely yeah you you do a a murderous military lunatic with that right yeah when you say Joe pesy are you talking like the Irishman or are you talking about Good Fellas which movie we talking about I’m talking about Good Fellas I’m talking about like a home

Alone Joe peshi it’s like the slick back hair yeah all right go ahead video please find that and put that in a corner as well to see if that is worthy of what Mike Sher is saying because I we really did think he looked like Colonel Jessup looks better indisputably uh Mike

Thank you for making time for us we have you interning on stat of the day we’ve got Adam McKay interning on horrifying climate fact of the day uh you also are in the middle of a giant fight and it seems like a fight for our time a fight

For history you’re right in the front of it and it seems like Bill Maher and Drew Barrymore were forced to not break from the unity of your Union uh they were for Bill Mah is hard to push back on this stuff but it seems like he realized the error of

His ways in not being unified here um where are you on this today as we speak because I just found out that winning time was cancelled and I’m like how much more of our content are we going to lose before this starts really hurting customers who care about well-made

Things I’m sorry I can’t focus on anything you’re saying I’m just mesmerized by the haircut that’s happening behind you thank you it’s not a I mean it’s not nothing you’re doing uh anyway I would I would like to think they weren’t forced um I would prefer to

Think of it as they thought it over and realized that it maybe was a better decision to not go back to work but you know whatever the reason is I’m glad they did it I think the the thing that they have in common is that I think

They’ve been in the business for a long time and they’re able to see which way the wind is blowing to some degree and they you know got pushed back from members of various unions and guilds and change their minds I mean I I’m I tend

To think and maybe this is my own bias but I tend to think that maybe Drew Barrymore’s decision was more based in um you know empathy and that bills was a little more cynical you know there were some rumors that he had a hard time booking guests I don’t know if that’s

True I certainly know that there are a lot of folks who don’t want to cross picket lines right now um and maybe you know just because he’s sort of by Nature a contrarian I I think it probably hurt him more to back off um but I don’t care

It doesn’t matter to me would they they both made the right decision I’m glad they did it and I hope that other folks who were tempted to sort of you know make a move in that direction will’ll think twice about it now just because they not because of fear but because

Simply the it’s the right thing to do really for in uh for the union fights that we’re all in thank you for correcting my language on that uh Lucas let me uh warn you because I saw the fear as you got near the jugular with sharp things on shaving I saw the fear

Of Chris Cody’s face producer of our show and son to a loving father who was worried about how sensitive uh his father’s skin is and if you do not yeah and if you do not know that information Lucas whatever business we just got you moments

Ago will be harmed by you taking on the task of giving that man a shave with his sensitive skin if you cut him and he bleeds easily I’m also wondering if he has the sanitizing stick or is he going to have like the alcohol spray all right

Are you getting a shave as well Greg shaving his neck apparently I am this is Lu the haircut it’s just he’s just cleaning up he’s finishing up I just want to make sure there’s not a sharp sharp razor Chris was worried that his father is going to start bleeding on

Television there’s a lot of loose skin in his neck too like I have a turkey neck but cleaning up is around the hair like in the head he’s cleaning up his chest I mean Luke is a professional with a straight ra have you never gotten a haircut happens they go they get around

A little under the shirt not that far down no come on under the shirt I think you need to talk to someone top of your back angel can you please make a t-shirt that just exclaims I have a turkey neck which is what Greg Cody just shouted

From behind behind me moments ago uh mikee but I do appreciate that you changed the wording on my verb because it wasn’t forces can you move the microphone a little further away from the Razer Dad thank you I would say closer move it closer okay or closer

Yeah it keeps getting louder which oh my God this is what’s funniest about what’s happening now Roy has found nothing funnier over the first three hours of this than how much louder the razor keeps getting behind me oh my God because Roy only listens to the show for

How it sounds it’s funny each time how allowed that yes but Jesus Christ you corrected me on the language Mike because you have been very gentle with your language and people will find it off-putting no matter how right a group is if a group is forcing through

Pressure people like Bill Maher and Drew Barrymore who may be Freedom Fighters to some who don’t believe in the labor cause they they are being forced into Unity you wrote a book about this Mike how selfish people people are they wouldn’t wear masks for each other when

It was the simplest thing at the start of the pandemic you went through all of History’s philosophers looking for the answer of why people can’t do simple things for each other they end up being on the right side of this because you’re on the right side of this but they’re pushed by peer

Pressure and some people don’t like that yeah no one likes to be peer pressured um but sometimes it can be good sometimes it can be a force for good I think a a a very light public shaming I think has a place in society because if

There’s no people who have no sense of Shame have no sense of disgrace and and I don’t know to what degree that was a factor here and I and I don’t I I don’t want to ascribe motive to people because I don’t know either of them but I do

Think that um they they made a decision if you want to be generous uh and empathetic you might say that they made that decision because they genuinely feel for the crews of the shows that uh they that uh they work on and that they feel that pressure of folks being out of

Work and I guess the answer that they got and the answer they should get is like yeah we all feel that we all feel this tremendous sense of responsibility for everyone who works on the shows that we make and the movies we make and also you know there’s ancillary folks out

There who work in restaurants that are supported by Studios and people you know buying lunch and dinner from you know restaurants that are near the places we work and the recently the I think the governor of California gome estimated that it’s A5 billion doll hit to the

Economy of California to have a strike going on for as long as it’s gone on so I you know I I don’t think it’s false to say that there were good reasons in their brains to think yeah we should go back to work it’s just you have to think

Of it in the larger context here right it’s like the if we don’t win this fight if sag after doesn’t win their fight then the long-term damage that’s done is much greater than the short-term damage that’s being done right now so I I want to believe that they had good

Intentions and I want to believe that they did the right thing for the right reasons I hope I’m right um also how much does this haircut cost if the old one this is a free well how much would it cost normally $10 Tony he said that’s

What he paid $4 this is probably more than that $40 and up is what this would normally go for uh but I mean worth every penny uh yeah well he looks great and we will unveil all of this and see how he feels about it in uh in a little

Bit but you said before getting to stat of the day you texted me last night I have an impersonation for you and you wouldn’t give me any more information exciting I’ve been working on I’ve been working on an impression you want to hear my impression do I I don’t

Know my it’s an impression of every Dolphins fan every time Tua drops back to pass ready here we go H oh god oh no no no throw it throw it throw it throw it throw it that’s my impression Chris Cody giving you a sour face that’s just

Not true Chris Cody has confidence now when I see a defensive end that gets around the tackle then I do that oh god oh no no no no no no no no no get get rid of it get rid of it get rid of it that’s your that’s the impression and

Like you you guys have built this incredible offensive machine this incredibly complex intricate well-oiled Ferrari of an offense Mike what you’re saying is so great it’s so held together the onoff switch is being held in place by a single human hair and you all know

It make sure tries to break the look at me Lou record we revealed to him that Augusta has caved and now they are allowing uh players on on the live tour Mike to to play ad austa which was really the last bit of Leverage The PGA Tour had over their

Golfers yeah I mean eventually they’ll just be the only game in town right that’s the goal the goal is just buy everybody out you know this reminds me of actually can I tell you a brief story yeah so I was having this discussion with Bill Simmons who’s a good friend of Mine Sports guy so Bill and I were thinking about like times in history when major sports leagues kind of went off the rails right and he was like you know what this reminds me of and then he told me that he had been having a conversation with Seth Meyers

Fromel is that for Simons and Seth is actually a very good friend of mine he was actually the best man wedding he was Seth was the best man at my wedding so I hadn’t talked to Seth in a long time so I I texted him I was like hey can you

Talk about this thing Simmons and I were talking about and he was like I can I’m out to dinner with Amy polar so I was like well just let’s just FaceTime let’s just all FaceTime right now because I haven’t talked to Amy in a long time Amy and I used to work

Together at Parks and Recreation uh so they so they facetimed us so it was me and Bill Simmons and Amy Po and Seth Myers were all FaceTiming and Amy I was like am do you know Bill and she was like I don’t think so but they’re from

The same neighborhood in Boston and he was like oh you’re from Lexington and she was like no I can’t remember where she’s from he was like oh you’re thinking of John krinski I also used to work with John krinski at the office and so they were kind of catching

Up and they were talking about Boston we were all talking about Boston and then into Simmons’s house walks Michael Mali the writer and actor Michael Mali who from guts from guts and and Mike and I are old friends too because he was actually on an episode of Parks and

Recreation that I wrote a long time ago so we were we were all talking about this and uh and then we we realized that what the what’s really going on here essentially is that these sports leagues have just decided that you know like like live golf that they just don’t care

About the consumer anymore and I was like I mean I can’t they’re not wrong to I can’t remember the last time I watched Golf and then remembered the last time I had watched any golf at all uh I was watching a golf match here in Los Angeles uh with Steve Carell from Parks

And from the office and uh and uh I can’t remember who else was there I want to I want to say John krinski was actually there too but the point is is that we hadn’t uh I just hadn’t watched golf in a long time and that’s why something like live

Golf can get away with what they’re getting away with wi how’ I do was there a story how’ I do witty wa that was 11 that’s a record I that is an all time record we got to give him the Fanfare for that alltime record for

Looking well done thank you so much um I I wish I had an actual trophy to hold uh but for now I’ll just I’ll just hold this am wow hold on sorry it’s too big I’m going to hold this Peabody Award that I want instead kind of underwhelming award

Thank you lebatard show thanks to Amel Hassen for inventing the term look at me Louie um I think accidentally like he was maybe trying to say looky Lou and then by accident made up a term that we all use anyway thanks to him of course

Thanks to all the legends of the look at me Louie game the guys I grew up watching and idolizing for their ability to always make it all about them JJ Watt John Harbaugh Aaron Rogers Monty Williams Elon Musk salt Nick Sabin everyone who’s ever hosted a DriveTime Boston Area Sports Talk Radio Show

LeBron The Rock most Major League Baseball umpires all NBA referees uh anybody who posts a picture on Twitter when a celebrity dies just to prove that they knew the celebrity uh Dar of course and of course Darren Rell is a good one and of course Chris Whittingham thank

You I I’m so proud to hold the alltime levard show record for most look at me Lou in one segment thank you go way to go very good congratulations Mike I have a followup you said Seth Myers was your best man do you have like a real life

Best friend that was offended you chose your celebrity best friend now I’m going to get look at me L for real do it it’s not going to be a bit anymore I want the entire wedding party I mean you had to have like your friend that was like you know you GRE

Went to college together or high school or something and you chose your celebrity best friend did you ask Rees for your wife’s hand uh I did re I did yeah um I’ll tell you who got look at me Louie there Cody no me you for asking for

Regil of course well he didn’t ask for Regis filin’s hand thought you never had that’s actually not far off what happened so who was a real friend that was offended no one was offended I I asked Seth I was Seth and I had gotten very

Close and I I’m so now do you have normal friends do you have real friends like like normal I do yes I have people would never heard of but I uh I I thought that giving a speech at the wedding was going to be a tricky thing

To do and I thought that Seth would be more comfortable doing it than maybe some so your real friends are boring so yes you did have a friend yeah they’re not is talented my my best fan selection I went to keep things simple I went with a brother-in-law but I have two

Brother-in-laws and it came down to who I trusted more with the speech the older brother got it right so so you’re basically saying that the the people who attended your wedding needed to be wowed by the speech and so you went for Seth Myers no that’s not what I’m saying what

I’m saying is the person who gave the speech was going to be in a certain kind of Spotlight that I thought he would handle very well and also we were legitimately very close friends we had been working together for a long time and and it made sense who was at your

Wedding my who at your wedding in the audience were you trying to impress with Seth like who were you trying to impress with the guest I was trying to impress anybody Billy it wasn’t about impressing it was merely it was merely thinking about who would uh deal with

The pressure the best of anyone and I thought that that what was his open why was there so much pressure on this because uh who was there so here listen here’s what’s going on right now that I I texted witty last night was like I have a dumb bit I want

To do on the show I want to see how many times I can get look at me Lou and then claim that I said an alltime liard show record now because of the dumb bit you’re trapping me into getting look at me L for real I’m not going to fall for

It I’m not going to answer you’re the one that said that sounds like you wanted to show off your trophies yeah exactly who are the brooms men just like you’re the one that said you’re the one that said that you based your best man selection because because of the

Pressure associated with and that leads at the wedding not not Kyle’s feelings because of the guest some of our guests some of our guests and some of my my in-laws guests were people of note yeah who attended the wedding top five top five people who attended youred you do that people of

Not top five people of to impress them who the favorite person the is going to contr in a different world than we do can’t give a speech and impress Kath Griff the crappiest celebrity is a funny question I think actually no puts them in a terrible spot yeah you can’t do

That why it’s good who was the crappiest celebrity don’t ask him like that you got to be smart about it like who is in the fewest amount of SNL sketches or something like that that attended your wedding you can’t go crappy give me a second putting together a top five hold

On he is putting together a top I don’t know which top five he’s putting together do you think do you think re makes the top five no chance you can’t use you can’t use your father-in-law what year did you get married just so we have a frame of

Reference uh 2005 had to be when Seth Myers was famous so this is like kind of this that was sort of like transition times that was kind of like we were moving into the uh in 2005 Jimmy Fallon was having a moment did Seth charge you like a

Fee like a small fee did he ask you follow like what’s your last name like an like an appearance fee did he have to get like a suit tailored at Men’s Warehouse or something like that what famous band performed at your wedding why would he have to get a suit tailored

At Men’s Warehouse thing you’re in a bridal party and you got you got to go to a men’s warehouse and you got he’s not you he has never stepped foot in a men did he walk in as a customer but did he leave as a friend did he like the way he looked

It’s guarante I guarantee it Jinx putting together I’m going to say right now you cannot use reges Mike Men’s Warehouse is kind of like an affordable suit place for us normies poor Kyle man yeah all right he probably had a lot you don’t have a an old

Italian man who just comes to your house and Taylor makes you suits like I do do you know how good the guest list had to be that taking him this long to put together a top five is this best celebrities or worst celebrities at your wedding he’s doing best I’m going to

Also ask a follow-up list so start having your mind best celebrity but with worst gift all right so yeah most famous celebrity that provided the worst like so the bottom five gifts from celebrities at your wedding did Seth Meers give a gift or was his gift the

Speech that he made like did he give you a gift or I believe he also as per tradition gave us a wedding gift let me let me let me suggest something to you right now instead of doing something very tacky where I named celebrities who were at my wedding can I instead tell

You a fairly incredible story about a particular wedding gift that I got from a particular person who attended the wedding and I will promise you in advance it’s worth your time all right tell us the story first and then we’ll see I know I know the story it’s a good

One yeah I have to go get let me give me 30 seconds to go get this object and we’re exchanging this for the list it’s yes but I promise you it’s worth it I promise good story I I there’s no bit I promise you it’s worth it give me 10

Seconds to go get that it will shock you there was someone that attended his wedding that will shock you given given what you know about Mike sh but how do you feel about this exchange cuz we were about to get the the top five there’s there’s there’s a payoff

Here the not just the person but the gift okay the gift is so on brand so since you know you would rather have this story for the audience story it’s a great story okay it’s a fantastic story okay here we go 2005 the story was ruined we already know the answer yeah

We New York City I I heard I heard I was still listening so a good friend my a good friend of my in-laws at the time was a New York Real Estate Mogul named Donald Trump uh he later would go on to be the president of the United States so

Uh we get in the mail my wife and I a giant box from the trumps that said and we’re like oh my God this is the wedding gift like this is amazing what did Donald Trump get us for a wedding gift and we pull it out and I’ll show it to

You oh my God it’s this vase wow but wait there’s more I believe it is the ugliest object I’ve ever seen it’s certainly the ugliest object own um but I believe that it’s the ugliest object I’ve ever seen in any medium so we’re like okay what is this story here

Right like did he like he didn’t go to a store and buy this like he didn’t even have his assistant go by you didn’t register for that no we didn’t register for this boss so we’re trying to theorize and there’s no note there’s no piece of paper that says like here’s

What this is or anything so I’m like what is the story here I formulated Theory the theory that I formulate is that it is Overflow decoration from one of his casinos like he bought 5,000 identical $12 vases to go into like the the Atlantic City casino and I was like

Right like imagine you’re walking down a a hotel Corridor in a in a casino cheap Casino Hotel and there’s like stanions all along the walls right and like every 10t there’s like a vase like uh that looks fake fake fancy right maybe I’ll bet that’s what this is and as I’m

Formulating that theory I look and I turn it around and look at the back there’s nothing on the back clearly it’s designed to just face out like this and he’s so cheap that they didn’t even he was like oh don’t paint the back the back’s going to face the wall of the

Casino told you I mean look how ugly look how diabolically ugly this object is I’m sure now we’ve told this story on air now but I feel like if you had sold this during the height of Trump’s presidency you could have gotten a lot

Of money for I I had a plan to go on Seth’s show because he was there and he knows the story and auction it off and give all of the money to either a charity that was fighting something he was doing or just his opponent I was like whatever and then

You you own this thing you can smash it with a sledgehammer you can throw it off a building do whatever you want and then and well then the pandemic the pandemic hit and I was and I was thwarted but yeah maybe if he runs again maybe he’ll still do that yeah next Moss

Miami we we destroy the bz I mean fantastic or just smash it right now that kill on social oh yeah do that right now just stand up and Spike it right now come on no I want it to if I destroy which I want to do I want it to

Be I want it to raise money for something ROM Mill’s Wildlife Conservation fund got the bills right before yeah yeah that’s it’s what Donal would want yeah say say that Ralph Wilson Stadium should have a dome over it before you do it you really get the

Socials can I somehow still pry the list out of you you started working on the list so just give us what you had already worked on no I’ll just say that number one is the Tony Bennett saying Fly Me to the Moon Jesus Christ j nice re got that

Done for you huh he did indeed he’s a friend all right let’s get your side of the day start of the day start of the day it is your start of the day start of the day start of the day it is your start of the

Day start of the day start of the day it is your start of the day start of the day start of the day it is the start of the day the stat of the day is brought to you by zip recruiter zip recruiter the smartest way to hire folks very few professional

Basketball players make it to a 20th season according to stat Muse the most points per game in a 20th season Robert Parish had 3.9 points per game the chief Vince Carter had 5.4 insanity kareim Abdul Jabar 10.1 luel Cinder oh my God name cap Captain Dirk nitzki had 12

Exactly points per game in his 20th season and with a whopping 17.6 points per game an unbelievable figure in his 20th season the late grade Kobe Bryant oh sorry my bad he’s not in first place he’s in second place in first is LeBron James who’s averaging 27 8 and2 and 6

And2 in his 20th season 27 points per game Mike thank you so much for that story really the S of the day PED in comparison but we finally got the uh we finally got the the Trump vas we we’ we’ve got one more question about your wedding before you go though hey Mike

It’s Tony listen uh quick question for you 2005 I put that basically in the heart of one of the best times in regon history did you guys have anyong at the uh at the wedding or no Gasolina uh Zion Len Say young kid we had a listen we had

A band I think there was something at the at the uh rehearsal dinner party the night before but we had a we had a band we didn’t have a DJ so I think it was more like uh yeah had Tony Bennett it was more like and it was more like

Outcast and and stuff like that than regone but I got white guys for talking about Outcast how many times did you play Haya I didn’t play anything the band play on The Dan how many times did you shake it like a polar picture you just say heya for us I don’t think that’s

Fair I’m going to say it right now I don’t think that’s fair was Gman there if I had said we had uh like Paul Anka instead of regone fine but outcast come on was Gilman there Gilman was there of course he family I mean come on is that a good gift from

Gilman I don’t remember off hand but I believe it was Kelly RI was a trip to Morocco we had the whole we had the whole show how much money did you make I mean off the wedding yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah everybody knows the best part of the wedding is just sitting back

Counting the envelopes it’s the best right at the end yeah I think we made a dollar I don’t think anybody gave us money wow I mean why would anyone give us money classic rich people yeah why would anybody give you a vase from their casino right Fair all right Mike happy holidays

Thank you so much this your last show of the of 2022 yeah yeah yeah you went out with a bang you went out with probably certainly a SE nominee for story if you got married like this upcoming year who from the show is getting invited yeah H

Just Dan oh great question it’s just Dan well how many people attended your wedding I guess it would depend on had the size of the wedding yeah how many people went to yours looking at that screen like he feels he should be invited he does it was like two it was like

220 or something I mean honestly there would be fewer folks probably invited by uh by our parents and my my in-laws and stuff so there’d be more room I’m going to say the whole shipping container can come every you guys are all if I if I get married again this

Year you’re from Hollywood you got three weeks get on it yeah thank you for hosting Tony’s MMA hangout by the way live from your wedding we’re going to appreciate that especially Juju all right happy holidays Mike happy holidays everybody thanks Mike Mike sh Marathon observations well I mean I’ve been watching the

Marathon uh I’ve made some observations oh wow I guess you could call it Marathon observations yes does that make does that sound good sounds great you’ve got Marathon observations all right I’ve got some Marathon observations it is time for Mike sure to share his game

Notes no one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boys to Marathon observations is sponsored by no one because it’s 7:00 in the morning on the west coast you’ve been live for 22 hours and no one is listening anymore Dan after decades at ESPN multiple suspensions for various

Shenanigans public battles over China and LeBron James Billboards the firing of Chris Cody the rehiring of Chris Cody and one very awkward interview with Rob Manfred make no mistake about it the Dan lebatard Show with two Gods is back the pirate ship the best thing that ever happened for fans of this show

Is not DraftKings giving you $50 million to do whatever you want nor is it you giving us 24 straight hours of content that we didn’t want the best thing that ever happened for fans of this show is the Florida Panthers losing in the first round of the Stanley

Cup Playoffs right so we don’t have to hear 10 more hours all right of Mike and Roy talking about Sergey bosski and Coach Q the ice cats bob wait I take that back the best thing that ever happened for fans of this show was the Miami Heat getting

Swept in the first round of the playoffs so we do get to hear 10 more hours of you realizing you could have had James Harden for Tyler hero you know what the first R in hero stands for Dan I do not rut R you know what the second R in hero

Stands for Dan I do not regret because you could have traded him for James Harden you know what the o e and r in hero stand for Dan I do not overrated yes of course I should you know what the hent Harden stands for Dan I do not

Hero as in you could have had him for Tyler hero hey Dan you know what the difference is between the Miami Heat and the Boston Celtics I do not the Celtics won a playoff game this year Dan lebatard telling me that Boston is racist in retaliation for these heat jokes collision

Course I spent 4 hours in the shipping container in 2018 while writing a piece about this show for slate.com it didn’t smell great then I can only imagine what it smells like now after 22 hours of you packed in there like sardines my guess is that it smells like sardines Chris

Whittingham a non-caucasian guy who loves Advanced metrics and soccer and uses words like chicanery and calls zero nil and every time he says something fancy a little jingle plays that makes fun of how fancy he is somewhere Pablo té is jealous so jealous wity so jealous Jessica smatana a football obsessed woman who

Leaks confidence when she talks and is unfairly asked to answer on behalf of all women every time something happens involving women in sports because none of the dopes in that room know how to talk about misogyny without putting their feet in their mouth somewhere Mina kimes is relieved

SMY yesterday at noon I wrote a joke for this bit and the joke was that this 24-hour Marathon would be the longest Dan has ever gone without drinking tequila since the first 10 years of his life then I turned on the marathon eight hours in and saw Dan and Charles Barkley drinking tequila

Dano here’s my review of the guests I’ve seen so far Ron McGill great as always Jim Rome take it down a notch Jamal Hill casually drops that Skipper gave her her first million dooll check Legend Pat Riley pretty chill like really chill like maybe he somehow got

Into stug got’s stash right before the zoom started I’m pretty sure at one point Pat Riley called AEL Hassen amino acid yes he did did right yes that is absolutely correct and also showed us a UFO showed us an actual UFO Shane Bader you know how Shane Bader is

Aging Dano not at all like a fine wine yes but the best guest by far the deer behind Michelle Beetle John Skipper should sign those deer to a multi-year contract and have them just roam around the Cleveland Earth I saw the official poster for this Marathon Mike sh

On the poster Adan ver on the poster Brock Meer a fictional character on the poster David Samson not on the poster Miami finally gets its revenge for that God awul stadium that built the city out of a billion dollar you know what the S and Samson stands

For Dan uh swindler super pissy that he’s not on the poster Fountain of content more like Fountain of being super pissy that he’s not on the poster if you don’t like this Marathon might I recommend you flip over to ESPN where every day they do an accidental Marathon featuring 24

Straight hours of New York Jets coverage with Mike Greenberg this Marathon started 20 hours ago with Dan crying and stugots carrying a feather duster and Billy holding a s-day old baby and the only woman in the entire Studio being forced to stand up and Stu got sitting in his chair

Shirtless and Chris Cody sitting in a pool full of goo and Mike Ryan covering a Verizon live read that Dan couldn’t do because he was crying and a mean and Poppy on the roof in a fake pirate ship and all that was in the first 30 minutes and you’re still going

DraftKings didn’t bail right then and there the hell are they thinking speaking of Hell art R Dan those are the marathon observations is I mean professionally I’ll still be talking about the Panthers though mik I’ll about the thank unbelievable Poor Man’s Bill Lawrence ladies and gentlemen there he

Is thank you for being on with us Mike sure you are the best Sir