Today we talk about polyamory and monogamy! whoaaaaaaaaaaa
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Hello my name is Emily as you may or may not know and today we are going to be talking about polyamory and monogamy there are many different ways to experience love right and you know there’s no right or wrong way as long as everyone is okay with it you know it all
Depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with and you know what works for one couple might not work for another if you don’t know what polyamory is uh it’s defined as the practice of engaging in multiple romantic and typically sexual relationships with the consent of all people involved so it’s
Like it’s like a group project uh except instead of presenting a PowerPoint you are having sex with multiple people individually and maybe sometimes even at once um so I guess it’s not like a group project like did you guys read the rubric for the project it just says
Sweaty orgy but I was thinking about polyamory lately because I overheard another person’s conversation uh EES dropping I was eeve stopping uh and it’s funny I’ve been thinking about that because I have trouble even maintaining a singular romantic relationship but the more I was thinking about polyamory I was like hang
On you guys are on to something I’m definitely monogamous at this point in time and you know I don’t I honestly don’t know or think that will ever change uh because you know I’m a little bit a smidgen like possessive not in an unhealthy or controlling way whatsoever
But it’s just like you know it’s like if I’m out in public with my girl and then you know some man is like staring at her I’m going to be like what are you doing don’t do that close your eyes but besides my own Tendencies uh you know I
Think a lot of people view poly relationships and you know kind of place a little bit of judgment upon them uh because you know it’s just it’s outside of the typical structure that we’re used to when it comes to romantic relationships in the conversation that I overheard the other people were
Basically saying like oh like it’s just a way to cheat like I don’t believe in polyamorous relationships like if you truly love someone you’re not going to be able to see other people but to me it’s like if everyone involved is you know aware of what’s going on and they
Feel comfortable in that Dynamic then what’s the problem to me it’s very different from cheating you know in a polyamorous relationship you have communication and you have consent which cheating lacks right so there’s that’s a stark difference right there [ __ ] yes I just saw something so terrible and horrendous I could not even
Believe my eyes okay I saw your boyfriend is is that it I mean did he really look that ugly no no no I saw him with another girl he was cheating on you um big time okay I saw him kissing her holding her hand and worst of all giggling up
Actually but don’t worry okay because soon enough he won’t be able to see other women at all because I put rat poison and gasoline in his contact solution what no need to thank me okay it’s what besties are for oh my God no a man he’s not cheating on me okay we’re
Poly we’re we’re poly what we are polyamorous okay I know that he’s seeing other people so you’re just okay with him cheating on you no it’s not cheating okay we mutually decided that this is something we want to try okay I’m seeing other people too
Okay [ __ ] era I guess oh my God oh my God oh my God just shut up okay I need to call him now um what the [ __ ] so I am getting the inkling that I should not have stolen his phone and slashed his tires and sold his social security number on the black
Market and put flesh eating bacteria on his razor no no okay and that is my bad okay I take accountability for that even if he did cheat on me okay I would not want you to do all that okay sorry I can’t help it all right I’m a Scorpio
Right Revenge was written in the stars for me oh my God and speaking of cheating you know that is such a prevalent issue in monogamous relationships and even as a monogamous person myself and someone who has been cheated on it’s just like you know I wonder how how realistic it is sometimes
To commit yourself to someone and mutually have all of your desires met by only one person for an in definite amount of time I mean that’s a pretty big ask and you know I do think that people can find that or maybe I’m just forcing myself to believe that for my
Own sanity um but I think you you have to be very lucky I mean the divorce rate is 40 to 50% right it’s practically the flip of a coin okay and then I’m sure even the people who stay married who knows how many of them are actually
Genuinely happy you know I’m sure some couples just don’t want to put that strain on their children or they don’t want to do the paperwork and every morning they wake up and see their partner’s face and they’re Like and as much as I would like to believe that it’s possible to find the type of love where it’s like I’m all about you and you’re all about me and we love each other so much uh you know it’s how how long can that last until one of
Us gets bored boredom seems to be an inevitable aspect of all long-term monogamous relationships and I wonder if poly relationships are just as susceptible to that same boredom if they’re being you know emotionally and physically stimulated by multiple people if that type of dynamic makes you and your partner feel more fulfilled and
Happy and excited about life then that’s wonderful and you know it’s great that you’re able to I guess you know uh have multiple romantic connections or physical connections um but for me personally right the one thing that really you know just kind of like puts polyam off the table for me is
Like there’s only so many hours in a day even if I could hypothetically see myself in a polyamorous relationship it’s like I barely have enough energy to entertain one person let alone two three or four the amount of emotional mental turmoil that relationships can put you through and the work well the bad
Relationships can put you through and you know the work that goes into nourishing a relationship I cannot imagine doing that for multiple people I I I it’s just it’s too much if you’re capable of doing that honestly I’m being so serious congratulations to you because I feel like it is such a chore
And a burden to to date even one person this makes me sound awful but it’s just I’m not in a dating head space right now that’s why I’m not open to love right now I’m the Shop’s closed shops closed when I’m in a monogamous relationship the stress and pressure that I feel to
Like get my girl the best birthday gifts and plan the most extravagant dates and you know make sure that she’s so happy and that I’m being the best girlfriend possible like it is just so much I cannot imagine doing that for multiple people again this is just for me
Personally but you know I would not be able to keep track of all the dates and all the things that I need to remember for each person it’s like I can hardly do it for one you know I would literally need like a personal assistant or something to help me keep track of
Everything so when’s the next time I can see you um how about this weekend we can get drinks sure uh how’s Saturday at 5: for happy hour hi yep sorry no can do your book Saturday 4:00 to 6:00 p.m. for mini golf with Kelsey uh Kelsey F or Kelsey m m right okay
Yeah that’s the blonde one right correct okay perfect noted right um so so how about we meet at 6:30 no no no you have sex scheduled with Irene from 6:15 to 6:45 only 30 minutes that’s like 2 seconds in lesbian time 6:15 p.m. to 6:45 a.m. oh okay that makes more
Sense so uh not Saturday but maybe Sunday do you want to do like brunch like 11:00 a.m. I mean aren’t aren’t you going to be tired I mean I’ll probably be a little sore depending on how hard I try but you have a meeting with Serena on Sunday from 11:00 a.m. to 1:
P.m. duh no of course I how could I forget I mean she’s one of my favorite ones um that was a joke by the way I’m just I’m joking um um because I honestly I don’t even remember which one is she again Serena is not one of your
Girlfriends she’s your boss it’s a work meeting you’re so right wow that’s so true yeah God my job I I forgot about that I know this is not exactly the same thing because there’s you know a lack of communication or commitment but you know when you’re dating around and you’re forming
Multiple crushes and making multiple connections like is that not a diet form of polyamory and I know this probably isn’t the best example of polyam because it’s kind of more like a competition but you know the Bachelor and The Bachelorette it’s like they’re literally you know falling in love with multiple
People on National Television I mean once it gets to like the final three The Bachelor is usually like well I love them all what’s a guy to do and then the whole thing with like love triangles in mainstream media that showcases that you’re able to form multiple romantic
Connections so I think that people observe and exercise polyamory uh probably more often than they recognize I just I don’t think that people should be you know speaking on behalf of others relationships and stuff like that just thinking about you know the conversation that I overheard from before angrily
Lined up with pitchforks on the porch of polyamory you know demanding an end to the madness oh hi excuse me ma’am would you mind signing this petition what is it for that is a great question this is to put an end to polyamory once and for all why
Because it’s weird to me personally okay listen I know a lot of people in polyamorous relationships all right they have a girlfriend in addition to a surplus of females all right not leaving any for the rest of us so you’re starting a petition because you can’t
Get any [ __ ] well that sounds like a skill issue I think a big reason why people can’t really fathom being in polyamorous relationships is because you know in order to create a healthy polyamorous relationship you have to be you know very you know openly communicative you have to openly you
Know State your boundaries and your limits and you have to be very honest and very very secure within yourself and I I think that a lot of people just aren’t like that and I’m not saying that being polyamorous grants you some sort of you know Enlightenment where you know
You’re just better than all of us little monogamous pigs you know that’s not what I’m saying because there can be unhealthy polyamorous relationships too and you know all of the things I was talking about before like being you know secure and openly communicating and your boundaries and all those things those
Are necessary for monogamous relationships as well but however adding other people into the mix is surely going to you know make things more complex and you probably do need to be more secure than the average person to be in a polyamorous relationship I Know
Myself and I know that if I were to be a relationship with multiple people involved I would automatically be comparing myself to other people a thousand one trillion billion per are the other people hotter than me are they funnier than me are they more talented
Than me are they better in bed do they make you happier I actually just La I don’t want to know but I also do it would just it would drive me crazy it would make me go absolutely banana Bonkers Cocoa Puff Bazinga Binga crazy for people who can maintain health polyamorous relationships I
Honestly find that quite admirable because I mean the average person you know they’re jealous and they’re insecure and you know somewhat possessive I just I don’t think that you know many people would be able to handle it hey babe how was your night uh good
It it was good good good good good uh where where did you guys go um you can tell me seriously okay remember we AG to this right right um we went to Ricardo’s on the waterfront wow yeah that’s that’s great that’s it’s a beautiful restaurant um expensive yeah very
Romantic yeah will you just excuse me for a second what else did you guys do I don’t know if I should baby we already talked about our boundaries right we discussed it we communicated right because that’s what we have to do for this so uh we you can talk about it
Just tell me please all right um we we watched a movie at her place her place her place and you watched a movie that’s that sounds so fun um what movie did you guys watch um I’m going to be honest I I I can’t really remember I I wasn’t really paying
Attention oh so you guys had sex that’s wonderful excuse me for one moment God by the power invested in me give me the strength to [Applause] carry are you okay oh me personally um you know i’ I’ve never been better in my life uh so was she better than
Me you hesitated you hesitated that’s that’s great that’s awesome I love to see that actually just excuse me for one moment God so no matter how you approach romance uh you know I think it’s cool that we live in a day and age where people are able to like I don’t know
Like experiment and find what works best for them this video is made from the perspective of a monogamous and a healthily healthily I would say jealous woman um so if I said anything thing that was misrepresentative of the polyamorous Community or anything like that I’m always open to being corrected
But anyways I hope you all enjoy today’s video uh thank you so much for watching and until next time he won’t be able to see other women okay because I put rat what the [ __ ] um that’s the blonde no no no okay you have sex what else did you guys
Do I’m great I’ve actually never been better um all right another take
40 Comments
emily’s acting deserves oscar frr
as a completely monogamous person, poly people are NOT the weird ones. i think the only reason monogamous people exist is because 1. everyone's different and experiences sexuality/romance differently, 2. religious and social pressure
Im way too jealous to be in a polyamorous relationship 😂
hi Emily, I think for someone not involved in any polyamory you explained and represented it very well.
I myself am currently getting into a polyamorous relationship were the person I will hopefully be with soon already has a partner. I get along with their partner well (we're actually already friends I believe), but even so there is a bit of jealousy from my part. That is not a dealbreaker for me though since it just means that the person is important to me. Communication is definitly key, especially with any insecurities I have. For me it's something I just have to get used to, but I believe that polyamory can be truly beautiful, which is why it's worth trying for me.
Thank you for talking about this topic, it feels nice to have representation for all kinds of love.
El 🙂
As someone who has been poly for over 14 years, and experienced more prejudice and hate for it than for being bi, I was a little scared to click this video. But you did a great job being respectful in discussing the topic! I wish more people would see things this way ("not sure if it's for me but it's great that it makes people happy!") I love my life and wouldn't do things any other way.
The only successful poly relationship I have seen (theyve been open and poly for like 8 years now!!) Staarted through the bdsm community. And they often talk credit that start as why THIS relationship is stronger than their previous ones. Starting in bdsm means they start with a healthy discussion of boundaries and a metric fuckton of communication.
This is exactly what I needed today, i tried a poly relationship less than a a month ago and I got turned down by the other person who wasn’t comfortable being in one, the bad thing I was really invested already and now I’ve been crying the whole week, good thing my boyfriend is very supportive and has been there for me all the time but I cannot get over it 🙁
This 13:19 sketch literally is me, I’m in a open relationship and when my bf wants to tell me what he did w other guys I get like the pink character, I’m trying to get better at that but I’m possessive af lmao
Honestly, I ship the disorganized polyamorous woman with her personal assitant.
Emily ur so my type marry me😭
Imagine if you were a guy and you could get with the female Em. 🙂 That will keep you busy for a while.
As soon as polyamorous people describe monogamy as “possession” or “controlling” I roll my eyes. There’s nothing wrong with polyamory but in almost every first time example of someone trying this countercultural lifestyle someone else is being coerced into it. Yes this is anecdotal but the idea that somehow polyamory is this more enlightened and advanced form or romantic love is so fucking condescending and annoying to me. There is no room in any love for possessiveness and control. Polyamory can be and often still is fraught with just as much abuse and manipulation as any closed monogamous relationship. And the damage done by cheating in a monogamous isn’t nothing! Live your lives and your truth but don’t act like you’ve figured it out just because economically and socially speaking having a nuclear family is impossible right now. Almost every advice video for new poly people is just telling them to ignore the voice in their head telling them something is VERY wrong. Maybe I’m a deeply repressed old-fashioned person, but I don’t think any of these people are inventing anything new. If anything they are revisiting a very old human impulse… it’s not better or worse than any other form of love. Quit acting like it!
lmao i dont know why the flesh eating bacteria thing made laugh so much
I think even monogamous couples shouldn't have ALL of their needs fulfilled by each other. Everyone should have their own friends/family/social circle. You can't have a well-rounded life if you put everything into your relationship and forego all other social connections. I think the unhappiest monogamous couples are the ones that don't have a life outside of each other.
I got into a relationship with a girl, and she was in another relationship that I didn't know about.
Time wise from what is read on Polyamorous relationships. You do not need to spend 24/7 with a partner. Some require time alone. Some see each other once in a while, 24/7, once every other week or month. It's mostly organized based on each others needs/consent. Not all Poly relationships have to be all at the same table. Some never meet. Etc. The structures really depends on each patner. You have to have a strong will of constant communication. Basically the imagineable can be realistic, because you still have to Emotionally Nourish your platonic relationships friends, family, etc. And yea, the Calendar schedule time – is pretty common from what I know. The same way that in Monogamous relationships scheduling sex can also be healthy to maintain sexual attraction or if you aren't living together.
To add to the mix, i've read a "Love without sex" book about poly – which seems to indicate that a great portion of them are Asexual as well, which indicates that sex isn't the only factor required.
Polyamorous person here: I've been married to my wife since August 2013 and dating my gf since January 2018 (my wife doesn't currently have another partner and my gf is also married). It does involve a lot of communication between all parties as well as a lot of looking inward. Many folks seem to think jealousy doesn't exist in poly relationships and that is really really not true. Jealousy exists just as much in poly relationships as monogamous ones, and I struggled with it a lot in the early periods because of my own insecurities. However, now I'm pointing out people my wife would find attractive and offering to get phone numbers for her, because I love seeing her happy and she's adorable as hell when she's crushing on someone.
It's also important to note there's many many ways of being poly, and it's good to look into various options when discussing this change with your current partner, or if you're single, before just jumping in. Are you wanting to date people individually, or as a group (sometimes called a polycule)? How are your thoughts on relationship hierarchies (having a "primary" relationship and others are "secondary"), or do you not want them? Do you have/want kids, and how involved do you want your partner(s) to be with them? How do you feel about adding a new sexual partner into the dynamic, either yours or someone else's? Know that these answers may change, and that's okay. Just be sure to communicate to all people involved, because you CAN cheat in a poly relationship. Cheating is just violating the boundaries of your established relationship(s). Much the same as some monogamous couples are fine with flirting but not kissing, or veto even porn, every polyamorous relationship has it's own boundaries as well.
Personally for my relationships, my wife and gf get along great and my kids adore my gf. I'm very open about being poly, and even at work if I hung out with my gf over the weekend, I don't censor things; I'll talk about both my wife and my gf just as anyone else with a partner should be able to. I plot bday and holiday gifts for one partner with the other; In fact, this is Xmas eve, and my gf is on her way over to bring gifts for the kids, my wife, and I.
Thanks for touching on this topic and helping to reduce the stigma around being poly. I don't cheat, I'm not disloyal. I love both my partners and want to see them both genuinely happy. It's not an excuse to sleep around, and takes so much communication and openness. The dynamics and boundaries in a poly relationship can be whatever you and your partner(s) are comfortable with, as it's important that all people involved consent.
That chair was a paid actor
Your name is Emily and I do or do not know
I think something that often goes overlooked when talking about Polyamory is Open Relationships / Monagamish Relationships. I’m not sure if I could ever be fully Polygamous, but I am open and like the idea of an Open Relationship where you have one partner, but are allowed to have consensual hookups or maybe even hookup together with other people. For me, I really value emotional monogamy more than physical monogamy. I want a deep and special connect with my person, but doesn’t mean we can’t have fun too.
My first partner was "poly" but just used it as a excuse to cheat bc she dated a bunch of people without me knowing at the time (I found out bc one of the people she also dated was my friend and they went on a date and had matching bulid a bears and brought them to school) and i could say more about her buttt yeah
Are we all just out of a dating headspace atm? Because so many people have said this – including myself
One time a poly girl got mad at me for being monogamous and then tried to sales-pitch her lifestyle to me when I didn’t even ask.
6:54 Girl…. I think relationships really shouldn't be that stressful.. keep an eye on that w ur therapist k🥰?
i could never devote so much time and energy to multiple people thatd get exhausting for me so fast
✨slut era✨
Lolllll that really took me out 😂
I'm horrified by polyamourus relationships. How is that the norm for gay men? Every time we have to explain to someone we don't wanna sleep around and get married some day, people just can comprehend how we're staying monogamous 🙄
The main argument against polyamourism I've seen is: "You should not do it because I wouldn't do it therefore is wrong." I just don't understand what in human psychology makes people think that everyone has to live the same way. Happiness is a road paved by choice, and living in conformity can only lead to regret and misery. Do you.
As a polyamorous person this video is awesome
3:38 SLUT ERA IM ROLLING
"All of your desires met by only one person" –> That's not at all what a romantic relationship (or even marriage) is.
There are plenty of things my partner cannot do for me – and that's fine! So long as we agree I can meet those needs elsewhere.
I play soccer with my bros. I don't expect my partner to fill that needs. I play boardgames and D&D with my gamer group. I don't expect her to join. There is space for us to have independent interests and meet those interests with other people. Obviously though, as partners we are each other's safe space, so that is something only we should fulfill for each other.
SHE'S BACK!!!
i love your videos ❤❤
That screaming scene must've felt so good 🤌
I respect poly people, but i just can't understand it. We can have love and support from family and friends, we don't need to kiss our friends to have support from them. I know everyone should do what feels right to them.
But to me it's alien talk. I'm in a 6 year relationship with my first boyfriend, who was also the first person I ever kissed. And as the time goes by I can only feel more and more love for him. I don't get bored or feel the need to look for sex somewhere else.
I'm 26 years old right now and maybe I'm not so sex-driven to feel this need to try with different people.
I like where Emily went with the topic….I'm referring to Emily F., not Emily S. or Emily Z…..well….Emily Z. is also into the idea….so is Emily S…..who would have thought their Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, would be a cologne with the fragrance of Emily, definitely not this guy 😄😄😄🍆🍆🍆🎉🎉🎉
Little TOO accurate.
The stigma around poly relationships will never make sense to me. Why do people care what others do in their relationships?
what is the ringtone at 3:45 ??
thank you for this video!! as a polyamorous person i always get nervous when i see ppl discussing it, especially when the people talking about it are monogamous, because there's SO much vitriol and judgement. i think you have a very understanding and respectful perspective and i truly truly love to see it!!! it certainly isn't for everyone, but i think everyone could benefit from learning skills and perspectives from polyamorous people because i've found that it can really help monogamous relationships, too, like the communication skills, being secure in and with YOURSELF and not hinging it on others, and dealing with insecurity and chronically comparing yourself to others. i've recommended the book Polysecure by Jessica Fern to many people, poly AND monogamous, for those reasons!