MadTV Stuart Larkin Played By Michael McDonald Sketches Funny Comedy Humour

look what i can do

bunch of sketches of stuart larkin and his mother all basically with the same premise
last sketch chopped up by youtube from copyright

well thanks for signing your little boy up for t-ball there Mrs Larin we were one player short oh well he’s so active he’ll be a regular babe de magio for you yeah but I’m so worried what with the bats and the balls flying around I don’t want him coming home in an ambulance with a broken collar bone well it’s just t-ball I wouldn’t get too worried by the way where is your boy wa had him here with me a minute ago where oh there he is he’s over by the snack Shacks St St you come on over here right now and meet your coach [Applause] St well steart where did you get that Taquito where did you get the Taquito I found it by The Dugout oh well you can’t eat that what does mama say about the taquito what does mama say about the Taquito I don’t want to say say I don’t want to say what say I don’t want to say Taquito go in one end and they explode out the other that’s right so no don’t you dare eat that oh going to be cleaning out his zies for a week go on over and meet your coach [Laughter] what hey there how you doing there partner how are okay all right just trying to say hi he doesn’t like to be touched he’s got some spunk in him though that’s good that’s good you ever hit a you ever hit a te- ball there steuart look what I can do je oh he’s so active yeah he’s uh he’s he’s something I don’t know what Stuart you ever hit a ball before I’m not allowed to hit okay well today you’re allowed to hit Stuart all right and I want you to hit really hard all right I don’t like the sounds of that what where’s your cat where’s your Google protector where’s your Google protector I left it on the drinking phone oh St I’ll go get it yeah you better go okay Stewart hey huh go over here Stewart over here look it’s just the boys now huh just the men all right now step up to the I’m going to show you how to stand here now let me get your step okay I want to get you don’t know how to Stuart I’m just going to get your elow down there I got to get up all right Stuart just let me get up all right okay you just I’m going to all right you know what hands off all right there you go you go for it go ahead and swing I’m not going to swing at the ball stop talking in my ear no no see see what did I tell you son you don’t you don’t know how to do it now let now let me show you all right all right son you’re going to you you’re going to want to get okay Stuart listen get square up all right I want you to square up and look at the ball all right and get mad at it steuart get mad at the ball go through the ball all right does anything make you mad Stuart does anything make you mad yes what makes you mad Stuart the world all right then why don’t you think of uh the world and uh swing at the ball all right get angry and swing at the ball Stuart swing at it get mad Stuart go right through the ball get mad Stuart come on no put the ball down now you’re you’re playing the wrong Spore with the ball the whole FR put the back there come on give me that back and break your ugly head off oh my God what are you doing he started it oh what kind of t-ball team is this come on Stuart we’re leaving look what I can do [Applause] for those of you just joining us we’re we’re live here at the scene of a rescue effort in progress apparently earlier today a small child fell into this abandoned well behind me and no one knows who the child belongs to or how long he’s been trapped in there but rescue efforts are oh it looks like they may be pulling him out right now thank goodness let’s watch all right all right okay sweetie come on over give me your hand give me your hand come on give me your hand son hold let go okay all right he he wants to do it himself he wants all right all right stand back everybody let me do it all right let let him do it all right okay just get over to the very good okay okay son now now give me okay all right just be very careful son please all right I’ll I’ll okay hey I’ll back just very careful please all right okay up slowly I’m not going to don’t right I’m not [Music] doing up you okay all right I’m going at my own pace that’s itchy all right this is jimie Greenfield coming to you live at Placid Park where a wonderful rescue has just taking place and we’re standing here sweetie what’s her name am I on TV you sure are you sure are sweetheart tell us your name look what I can do it’s a very neat little trick I can do a better one Nan Nan okay son son she she want to know your name okay all right mind your own business okay I’m I’m just trying to help that’s all okay sweetheart hi look at me sweetheart I am looking at you okay um if you tell me your name sweetheart I can help you find your mommy and daddy no one can find my daddy he disappeared through the internet okay well maybe we can help find your mommy would that be nice okay now help me finish the sentence I know my first name is dud are you okay this must be the mother well there you are oh thank goodness you’re all right well get up one day out of the year I I get to the beauty parlor next thing I know I look up on the television my baby boy climbing out of a m shaft it’s not a m shaft it’s a wishing well steart I told you never to correct me in public I’m sorry well you’re supposed to be at the kinder care what are you doing down in the wh I pound pennies Stuart what is Mama saying about greedy boys I don’t want to say d I don’t want to say I don’t want to say what I I’d like to know what what what what do they say about greedy boys a greedy boy will never be cradled In the Arms of Jesus that’s right what start where are your pants gosh my girl where’s your pants I took him off cuz I pooped in him well St those tough Skins are expensive we’re going to have to send somebody back down the well to get the pants there Phil was po well poop or no poo we’re got to get them they were $39.95 ma’am ma’am you know stay away okay stay away from the Well ma’am it’s very very dangerous listen hey hey how about a little treat for your little Champ here huh huh oh no we is the blood sugar of a hummingbird I want some sugar you know what you know what this would be a really great shot for me could I get the three of you together I want some sugar that’s St we’re going to be on the news program I want some sugar no absolutely not I want some sugar no please please please please please would you catch that he put on his scanners for me oh isn’t he adorable kind of I guess hey there you go Stuart huh give it to her first he wants to take it from his mama isn’t that [Music] sweet give it okay yoush I just don’t want you to gobble it up like some kind of animal though sh oh okay you know what could I just stoping for 1 minute you know this is a real Feelgood story for me if I could get why don’t I get a picture of you with the hero sa here of the day right here in the center that’ll be terrific you you and you know what put your arm around Stewart all right either Ste I don’t know you oh well as long as you’re D here you want to grab the those tough skins we got to get your 39.95 an event that could have been tragic we have a happy happy ending oh next up on our tour is Monkey Village now we are proud to say that with over 65 different species of primates this Zoo has the most complete collection of Apes in the country unless of course you count my family reunions but seriously if you look to the right of the cage I see several different kind several help help me please help me oh it’s my son my son I’m telling you I cannot find him anywhere he ran away from me after I told him he couldn’t have noodles for dinner well I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about he can’t have gone far so hey look there’s a kid in the gorilla cage don’t know you get out of that cage right now no I’m running away Stuart get out I mean it I’m going to live with a gorilla oh well if you don’t come out on your own I’m just going to come in there and get out no ma’ ma’am no no no you cannot go in there for your own safety okay I am trained to deal with crime mates so I will go in and get steuart thank you st get away from that gorilla oh my God okay oh why is that gorilla touching my bed ma ma’am I need you to calm down okay Coco the gorilla lost her baby 2 days ago oh yes yes sad so any kind of excitement I don’t know what she’ll do so please remain calm yes thank you okay hi Coco hi Coco remember me yes good girl okay Stuart come with me very quickly don’t I need you to come with me right now Stuart I come with me right now I’m not get Stuart don’t kick me you little brat COC go down down girl steuart go get out of the cage get out of the cage Stuart what do you say the nice you for saing you thank you for saving me you’re welcome sir wow looks like somebody’s got a case of the crab apple mcnasties yeah let’s go home and get you some D Den okay but I want noodles for dinner now start we’ve been through all this absolutely nice we’re having the fish sck well I want noodles for din you get noodles then I’m going to live with the gorilla I don’t know when he got so headr I tell you he’s just like his father who by the way left us on Tuesday it’s a little B to stay away from those chat rooms after through trouble but I guess I just you know turned a blind night yes ma’am that’s very sad but right now your son’s in danger so oh my God George Geor you put your clothes on no I want to be like a gorilla why does she keep touching my baby I’m I I’m guessing that now Koko thinks that Stuart is her baby I know but don’t worry I I will get him out so just stay calm look what I can do don’t you stop sucking on that monkey’s tee I like sucking on that monkey’s teeth that just shars it steart now you’re going to get sick her milk tastes like a banana smoothie ma’ please I need you to stay calm okay don’t upset the Grilla okay Coco what do I have a banana yes you want a banana go ahead go eat the banana good girl good girl okay Stuart come with me very quickly come with me I don’t know you Coco attack Stuart get out Stuart save your yourself okay but let me do it then do it then let me do it well go St I don’t respond well to yelling don’t go Coco release get out of the cage Steward onest aeat sucking on a monkey’s tee what does mama say about putting your mouth on your animals I don’t want to say what is mama say I don’t want to say say it never put your mouth near an animal where mama has to check your poop for worms that’s right yeah looks like I’ll be sifting for weeks good luck with that oh COK you stay away from my baby come on Stuart let’s go get you some D but I want fish sticks I changed my mind oh well I’m glad that everyone is okay but as we can see animals are very different from humans except for one thing the maternal Instinct oh St St say it nice Coco released can you get my pants Coco attack oh H hi can I help you I have to go party okay come on in come on in yeah it it’s uh it’s right over there I was just trying to show you where it was GE you get up off that floor that is the brand new smell suit now get up I I think I scared him I’m really sorry kid you get up and you apologize to the nice lady for kicking her it’s okay he doesn’t have to apologize oh yes he does Stuart what does mama say about little boys who don’t apologize I don’t want to say I want to say that little boys who don’t apologize get their stockings filled with elf poop that’s right now if you don’t want a stocking full of elf poop then you get up and you apologize Gwen I’m on my way don’t you H at me I’m not you are [Music] so I’m sorry I kicked you okay apology accepted um so what is elf poop like anyway [Music] wow looks like cranky MC crank ander’s been in the car too long huh start run out to the Buffy and go because we got to get to Grandma’s house come on D I’m I’m way don’t rush me I didn’t think he’d be able to hold it that long he’s been tugging on his goooo for the last five miles well it’s a good thing you got here when you did because I was just about to close up oh oh dig no but I promise Stuart some OD cocoa oh we normally spend Christmas at home but Stuart’s father left us on [Applause] Tuesday St where’s your snowsuit I took it off I thought I was going to make lemonade but it came out as brown bubbles oh do you got to be more careful with that snowsuit it’s high quality we got it from your favorite store sing that song for the nice lady about the store song what what’s sing it for let me do it do you love it I love it I got it R oh so isn’t he just so talented he’s something yeah Mama’s got to go use the Biffy I’ll be right back and you behave what are you doing I thought I’d make you a cup of hot cocoa why I don’t want you to be sad for Christmas why it’s not nice to be sad for Christmas you know what what look what I can do wow that’s really a neat trick I know yeah well here’s your Coco thank you you’re welcome m is that cake yeah would you like a piece I I’ll get you a fork well store what’s that in your mouth nothing oh oh sir what are you doing with in all that good food it’s coconut young man you are one step closer you’re getting a stocking full of elf [Music] poop W you see that look at that he’s having a sugar crash oh Stewart come on now get up and get your snowsuit on we got to scooch answer me Stuart I’m not hitting them I’m just trying to award them don’t go calling the cops it’s Christmas come on I can’t I’m in my dark place oh great oh well excuse me I think I may know way to get him out of his dark place well be my guest okay um Stuart do you like Christmas carols well if I sing you a Christmas carol will you come out of your dark place try okay silent night holy night all is [Music] Come Holy and M [Music] SP look what I can do we’re going to need the raing a jugle off out [Applause] here hi Pam sets oh yeah we close at 5:00 okay bye let me do it get up oh now we’re going to have to get your stomach pumped excuse me do you have any feter rats uh yeah I I’ll be right back hey don’t come on no sir let’s get him over on but I want to stay and see his pet rat come on oh I don’t have a pet rat I have a pet boa constrictor and I feed it live rats cool huh get off thater oh your kid’s a freak lady yeah okay one feed a rat where’d he go oh he left Stewart didn’t want the rat to get eaten isn’t that precious oh not to me actually he just blew a sail but I want a pet R story absolutely not come up please story you are not old enough for a bit please oh no please please please listen to those manners how can I say no to that he just went poo on me that means he likes you it means he likes me if he goes p on I’ll ring you up okay I’m going to have to charge you for that can of dog food we’re going to need a cage too with a very strong lat cuz I am terrified of rodents I’ll tell you that look what I can do