The residents of Washington, DC, need to get their priorities straight. Yes, their city is being taken over by red state troops and federal law enforcement officers doing the bidding of an authoritarian government. However, at a time when the green spaces of the nation’s capital are apparently in bad shape, the city’s denizens should count themselves extremely lucky that the world’s leading expert will put his one-of-a-kind knowledge to work for them.
Now, you might say that we are in no position to judge who, among all of the people on this Earth, is the top authority on grass. That’s a fair point. We don’t.
That’s why we turned to one of the great self-proclaimed stable geniuses of our time: Donald J. Trump, who must surely know.
He does, and, as luck would have it, it is Trump himself.
“I know more about grass than any human being, I think, anywhere in the world,” the president said on Thursday.
And we believe him. After all, who would make such an oddly specific claim other than the leading grass expert?
Well, perhaps a severely mentally ill person, we suppose.
In any case, grass is just the latest area of the president’s expertise.
In the past, Trump has also proclaimed to know the most about things like money, technology, infrastructure, trade, and, for some reason, Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ).
Some of that knowledge should come in handy now that the economy is tanking.
For example, Trump can explain to the American people that all other economists are wrong and they are definitely not paying for his tariffs.
He tried to do so on Friday after the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) stated in a blog post that the new tariffs would reduce the deficit by $4 trillion over the next decade.
Which makes sense because they essentially function as a tax on US businesses and consumers, and tax increases bring in additional revenue that can be used to pay down the massive debt (you’ll be happy to know that nobody knows debt better than the president).
Trump celebrated the news.
“I am pleased to announce that the Radical Left Representatives working at [CBO] have now admitted how incredible my Tariff strategy has been,” he crowed in a social media post. “When I began my Tariff policy suggestions, they refused to acknowledge the potential SUCCESS that would be derived.”
Of course, he might have wanted to read past the headline.
“We estimate that the changes in tariffs, both by the United States and its trading partners, will reduce the size of the US economy,” wrote CBO Director Phillip Swagel.
“The increases in tariffs will make consumer goods and capital goods (the physical assets that businesses use to produce goods and services) more expensive, which will reduce the purchasing power of US consumers and businesses,” he added.
That doesn’t sound nearly as good as what Trump was saying, so maybe he’ll just ignore reality in favor of a lie… which is something he is definitely the best in the world at.
