078: The Celiac Waltz! (ft. Ben Stager & Sam Burns) | nevermind. w Veronika Slowikowska & Kyle Chase

veronika and kyle are back once again and this time they sit with the legends sam burns and ben stager! they get into best things to do in ontario, 55 year old classmates, adhd meds, U.S. history and so much more

sam: @samsamburns https://www.instagram.com/samsamburns/
ben: @bennnnst https://www.instagram.com/bennnnst/

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we’re still getting good at this, but it’s about to get even better.

00:00 INTRO!
00:12 Face, Tongues, and Eye Lid Tricks
04:55 Ben Stager & Sam Burns!
05:19 Elbows Up: A Canadian Heritage Moment
06:19 Accents & Impressions
13:29 Ben & Sam 101
17:38 1738!
27:22 King of Ontario
33:11 Geography Trivia: 2 Nations
40:54 Ben’s Guide to Ontario Continues…
50:38 Sam’s New Career as a DJ Explained.
59:27 The Knights Bit!

[Music] okay i give a couple options this is my go-to look I always go guys it’s my go-to hey I don’t know why oh you have your other one that’s What is it it’s like It’s my Botox hey there’s people over here too face do it for me what’s your goto funny face what’s What’s your go-to funny face well I mean this is something I brought back like a couple a couple months ago i hadn’t shown anyone this since elementary school for for real like the whole time we went to school together we’ve known each other for years but I could do Grinch face [Laughter] wow it takes me a while to get into it but look I see that but look it looks like the poster i can’t do the voice could only do the face is that cool that is really cool what is it max max max i don’t know what does he say in that you kind of have to wipe it off face out hate or something like that right double hate well he’s so he’s so filled with an Yeah he’s filled with anger a toxic character yeah he is and it’s interesting that they that that was um a children’s movie you know i know they’re showing the youth something a little dark and twisted it is a low low vibrational film yes and that was like my number one I don’t know if you guys know this my number one biggest fear of all time is ET yeah same whoa and it’s the same thing it’s like why are they showing Yeah children you know what’s funny he’s so ugly they did he’s in my [ __ ] closet i’m stuff my parents till I was 16 they did a re-release and I my mom took me as a kid and his neck there’s a part where he gets scared and he goes his neck and his neck goes scream mom took me out then he dresses as a as a lady as a little girl with Drew Barrymore kind of my hull pass though drew bear 18 dresses et with wig on kind of my type though dude well because I think like my sister’s biggest fear was nanny nanny mcy which lives in you it’s also like an ugly ass scary woman who’s mean is that what the story is and then she comes to my house all m Well is it supposed to scare children to be to be good is that Yeah and Annie McI was kind of like they kind of she she whipped kids into shape a little bit right right no Hannah was but in a way that was sweet she taught them lessons oh so she’s nice at the end of the day about life she’s like screwed they all end up liking Nanny McY that’s interesting she’s a bit rough around the edges with her style of um caretaking oh the that the funny face thing is is sending me back because I love Jack Black so much oh I think that I did like I forget some kind of like I did have a face that I was just Grinch face yeah but that is so like at school you’re like Ben do the face and like I’m like no it’s like okay it’s like the kid who could do the belly the belly wave i think I could do this with my tongue the four threeleaf clover oh that’s amazing almost you’ve almost got it i used to practice a lot what did you eat shut the [ __ ] up i’m just curious i had a tea bro i had a tea was it a green tea no your tongue’s a bit green oh I don’t know why it’s green cuz I had a English breakfast tea and I had a peanut butter and jelly toast maybe it’s a combination of like the color i was sure about my tongue i was going to do that but now Wow oh you could do it too nice oh my god what that tongue do was that your first time trying that you’re You’re natural you are natural well can you do this one just their hot dog oh my gosh you guys can’t do that i’d rather not i’d actually rather rather not do that i appreciate it though what’s your hidden talent i can do this though yeah dude that looks I’ll call that one the worm hell yes do that on the playground you work that do you know the kid that would flip his eyelids up yeah that was I think I tried to be that kid try to be that kid i can see that with you i think I attempted that at some point but no my friend Mark that was my friend Mark i I just had a such a sad thought of you as a little kid flipping your eyelids and no one’s looking at you you’re like “Hey.” Yeah show it to the teacher i’ll watch it oh man guys we are here with Ben Stagger and Sam Burns hey y’all hey y’all hey y’all all the way from Canada canada elbows up elbows up elbows up [ __ ] that’s so My dad loves that [ __ ] my dad My parents My dad Max Wait what is Elbows up oh oh okay do you want to explain oh it’s a big thing it’s a big move not to get political but there’s you know your little president pumpkin head sorry president Snookie sorry uh he put a he put a little uh tax on Canada yes I recall you don’t mess with you don’t mess with Canada you don’t mess with us we may say sorry but we ain’t sorry about this one uh and anyways Mike Meyers who’s Canadian he he did this thing with Mark Carney who’s prime minister and it’s basically like elbows up which is hockey hockey like you can mess with us so now Max Myers Max Myers Max Myers goes on SNL and he always is wearing like a Canadian tire shirt or something Canadian when he plays Elon Musk um and then he which he does a mighty fine job of Elon Musk that’s a mighty fine Elon Musk no sarcasm no no I think he does a mighty fine Elon Musk south African is a hard accent it really is let’s hear it british it’s kind of British i know yeah see that it’s a hard one to do you’re good i think it’s kind of British and not a British accent i think it sounds more uh Australian than anything yeah but I feel like it like comes and goes there’s like ways yes yes i I met this guy subtle who I swore was Australian for months that I knew him and he was like “Oh I’m going back home.” I was like “Oh.” I was like “Oh to Australia down.” And he was and he said he was like “No I’m I’m going to South Africa.” South Africa is that it something like that it is kind of Australian you’re right can you do it can you do accents you did a little bit you I feel like there’s a little twine there no no no i can’t even do Australian like if someone said to do an Australian accent I feel like I would just go straight to British try it okay i’m just thinking about Elon Musk he would talk he would say um um Oh [ __ ] this is going to be so bad gulps gulps before dude well okay well there’s pl Nope see that was just Irish i just went Irish plenty of Well there’s plenty of it plenty of it yeah no I’m not even going to go for that can you do accents uh well I could try I could give a I could try the South African yeah yeah so like Yeah I guess I go think of Elon Musk first try the new Try the new Tesla Cyber Truck it’s so bad i can’t do voice sounds like Alberta try the try you know you louder but louder so I I have a hard time see I can’t move my tongue like you guys like I feel like there’s I can’t do accents like I can do this voice and this is about it i think I would love I I know you can do uh you can do like physical impressions a little bit you had a Simpsons you did a run of Simpsons characters one time that I love can you do a quick uh Maggie oh oh like Oh okay like [Music] that’s a baby yeah that’s pretty good okay okay i guess I Yeah but I think other things I could do are kind of like That was Yeah bart [ __ ] Bart eat my shorts eat my Eat my candy underwear all right uh oh you do a good homework though you actually do oh really yeah okay okay okay okay like physically or No you do the voice oh yeah yeah yeah bart not bad right yeah that’s right yeah I’m not warmed up yet honestly no cuz cuz I want to be a voice actor but I need training but I feel like your natural voice is very Yeah distinct to me but I can’t I can’t move the tongue well so I think it’s like hard to But I I’m willing to learn i want to learn more voices so if any like vocal dialect coaches are out there and have any tips reach out to me because I’d love to know how to uh do a South African accent how to do Mo i’d love to be able to do Mo from The Simpsons oh yeah and well because so many people I think think comedians like what I’ll tell someone that oh if I do comedy they think I can do any impression in any accent and I can’t do You can’t no i’m so so so bad at impressions she’s good at impressions though no I’m not you’re way better no you’re way better at impressions yahoo you always do that one impression of um of uh Anderson Cooper don’t even Yes you do she does a really good Anderson Cooper impression really ready hi yeah that was pretty good that was great that was really good hi I’m Anderson Cooper hi i like that you know what that that gave me a lot of information because I think my go-to when someone asks me to do an impression as we’ve seen is to kind of yell so maybe bring it down a bit yeah i like you’re introducing yourself hi Cooper i’m welcome to CNN um that’s really good actually and who’s his buddy his buddy uh the do the New Year’s is that Don Lemon no he does the the Real Housewives yeah I can’t think of his name right now andy and Andy Cohen oh yeah and he’s like he’s like “Hey everybody it’s the New Year’s Show Town.” Which happens here in New York City that’s amazing so that’s where it happens time Square time Square that’s right you guys been in Time Square yes we went there we went uh when we were walking through there was a Back to the Future Broadway show yes they’re still going yeah they’re still And they had the Delorean and I went and I took a picture beside it and then a guy dressed like uh the scientist yelled at me so I don’t think he was part of the show i think he was just a guy doing that that’s really [ __ ] funny that’s um Yeah that’s a I think it’s like on on West End as well in the West End in England wow that’s a it’s a Do you guys know any other songs no I I don’t know it’s And I don’t want to talk my [ __ ] i’ve heard it’s not awesome but I’m sorry if you’re in that show or if you like it that’s what I’ve heard i don’t have an opinion have you seen a Broadway show never oh never i saw one in high school we came here brag uh yeah i know i know we took a band trip here from uh Kitchener yeah and banned i had the same trip oh it’s so weird we did a band trip and we like brought all of our instruments across the border and then we played at a retirement home yeah cuz you needed to do that you need to drive 12 hours to to perform at a retirement home stayed in New Jersey really good what instrument did you play i played trombone and I remember they we played a rendition of Build Me Up Buttercup and they really loved it so I felt good about it but then we saw Mary Poppins and it was cool she walked on the ceiling and [ __ ] wow yeah you would have loved it honestly was there a pit band at Mary Poppins i think they’re kind of hidden they’re kind of like they were there but they’re like hidden you don’t see them were you guys kind of like eyeing them up being like I was listening I was listening a lot flat how was the trombone i think it sounded excellent honestly so you haven’t seen Wicked no just the movie just the movie is it on Broadway right now yeah i want it but now tickets are like I was going to say we can go tonight they’re like 400 bucks damn well I’d do that yeah worth it i’d pay it how I’ve known Do you guys remember the first time we met also these are my friends from anyone who does know guys these are my friends from Canada they We’re part of we were part of an amazing m uh musical comedy band called Trifecta the the buskers we’re word of mouth we don’t put anything online and it’s it’s very niche it’s very if you know you know and I still don’t know how to describe it to people when I tell them to come to the show I just go “It’s an experience and you’re going to be scared for the first 5 minutes and then you’re going to absolutely love this.” You’ll be like “I don’t know if this is serious or no one knows and we don’t know and then everyone just kind of but but my truly my some of my New York friends um who are not in the comedy space came to our show whenever that was over a year ago and my friend Patrick was like “That’s still like my favorite thing you’ve ever done.” Wow oh it’s killer but I’m still like nervous for we show tomorrow i’m still nervous about tomorrow because so many people haven’t seen it and I’m like “Oh my god we have to like cuz in Toronto it’s so comfortable because everyone’s we now have like a fan base I feel.” Yeah yeah but here we’re slowly getting that going yeah i think we got to just I don’t know drive like we’re characters and we we play music but the music isn’t really like super jokey oh my gosh it’s kind of You know what think would be good for tomorrow maybe we have like print out pamphlets that everyone can get and it sort of like tells the story about the Oscars wait that’s kind of genius i like Veronica’s plays pee pee and like tells you Yeah yeah a little bio can you I feel like this is something that’s a big task to ask no we can we can write it but can you write it i can I can make it you write it designer i can make it graphic designer and I can designs all our merch okay okay and you know what people would be like “We’re seeing a show right now.” A pamphlet like Broadway yeah yeah play bill i’m like saving paper but like Yeah we can a trifold something so okay so you guys met Do you guys remember when Okay first off you guys met at uh Humber uh Comedy College i remember the exact moment we met too really yeah we were doing uh like a tour of the campus in Atobico and uh Sam was there and then we were also there with this like like 55year-old man who was like smoking and I thought he was a teacher but turns out he was a student he was our classmate yeah and he became your classmate dude and he had he literally has had such an impact on our lives to this day like so many of thing like Sam like like lots of like I feel like Sam’s characters are subtly like take some influence yeah he was amazing he was an amaz Well he’s still alive but uh but he was at our class and our teacher would say something you know and then I was like you know Charlie Chaplain was a silent film star and he would like look back at all of us and he go “No seriously.” No no no he was he was he was so matter i’ve never met anyone like him he would say quotes he’d put his hand up you know if you don’t mind can I say something real quick um George Carlin once said uh “The point of a comedian is to draw the line and then physically step over it.” I think he said that like almost every day i know giant phone get a huge ass phone too like huge tablet phone that’s so crazy green Lantern t-shirt he was one of a kind one of a kind we met him at the same time and cuz this program what did it take to get in because you’re like a a high schooler or whatever like a couple years out of or high school what did you have did you have to do stand up to get in or like how Yeah there was like the orientate or the Yeah the audition so you had to do standup and then you you had a sketch you had you submit a sketch you write an essay um Yeah i’d be surprised like it seems like they let everyone in the program everyone like I don’t think it’s competitive or hard program to get into and also there’s not very many parents I think that let their kids go to school for comedy yeah no you know what I mean these are cool did you have to like convince your parents or No I was Yeah i No they were like do whatever you want to do I guess yeah they were shocked they’re like “What school for comedy you’re not funny yeah you don’t really talk much i go “Yeah well yes mommy would you like to explain why I don’t talk much?” Sam and I are We’re both from from the same Ontario town yes we are but we didn’t know each other different schools different schools you’re a little bit older so yes I’m 47 yes 47 it’s my birthday next week i the first time cuz I knew of you guys and I think you guys were like partying at my house because I lived with the basketball um this was a gift we got last episode from our guest typically guests bring gifts for us oh they don’t they really don’t okay Ben you brought a gift oh did you what’s in your pocket um you know what i will say this is hard to find in America the way I like it i chew so much gum every single day and there’s one brand I love and I only well I only see this in America in a very strange packaging so here is Dentine Ice Canadian packaging you get like a whole and that’s for mine you get like a whole sort of No but it’s in America it’s like two sort of things and like hard to find not everywhere so these are called chicklets yeah they’re really good and I love them so much i chew gum all the time and this is my go-to dentine ice and every time I’m here I’m like damn I wish they had this you guys have a lot of like stick like sort of things yeah you know we don’t [ __ ] with sticks the strips yeah the strips and we discontinued those trident or I don’t see many juicy Fruit I don’t think really stuck around we made a big decision five or five oh yeah goth Gum those are still sticking five and yeah there’s no but the first time I ever met or saw you Sam I think oh yeah was Yeah so my best friend Emma went to this program and she lived with me and you guys were all in the same class and so I was 18 drinking age is 19 in Canada and I was 18 i would this is in our in the place we grew up um it was like I don’t know summer break or something and we’re home and I was like I’m going to get into the bars except I’m not 19 i didn’t have a fake and I was really nervous and I was 35 I think at that time yeah and I was outside like just hanging out with like the drunk people and pretending like I was going in the bars but I really was sober and with my friend okay i wasn’t alone doing this and uh I remember you were outside you were killing you were doing like a you were you were holding court cuz you were always like class clown you’re popular that was your vibe you were like a popular class clown type of person and very really and like you were [ __ ] killing on the street like you were doing some kind of bits or something you were you were on one you were like performing for the for the street it was a blur i don’t remember i was just going you’re busking for I was busking basically yeah and then you started and then you there was this woman oh I think I know where you’re going with this there’s I think there’s we we have two different stories i know so this is what I remember is that there was this woman who um I can’t believe you were there for this yeah was and you had no idea like I knew who you were but I was again so it was this like this woman who maybe um Okay she was maybe homeless okay I’m just gonna say it i’m just gonna come and say it and I think unhoused you say something you kind of take a dig at her but I don’t know what okay yeah okay maybe not maybe not no well no tell your side that there’s something there was something or maybe she was just there and I think you you did like a side comment it was a It was a couple fighting I think and then you g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g gave a side comment to them and then she comes up to you and punches you [ __ ] like in the face and everyone turned on you so quick and everyone’s like what the [ __ ] man well let’s remember this more than I do because you’re the one that got physically Oh it was traumatizing uh not I shouldn’t say traumatizing but no so there was a these two guys started fighting like yelling at each other and so then people made like a circle around them yes and it’s 100% what happened i swear to God I was on my phone and the guy beside me called this I guess unhoused lady like a fat [ __ ] and everyone goes “Oh.” And then she looked at me and I looked up from my phone and she went “You want to say that again?” And I was like “Say what?” She goes “Don’t play [ __ ] dumb.” And she walked up and I was like “I don’t know what you’re talking and she punched me in the face and my glasses flew off and I remember everyone going and then I started like I had a busted lip oh my god and then there was like cops I guess downtown and I went up to the cop and I said hey that lady just punched me in the face and he went a am I going to have to get you an ambulance are you going to be okay and I was like are you mocking me and uh I didn’t say that but I was like and I walked away and then I went up to the guy who called her a fat [ __ ] yeah and I went “Hey uh what you said got me punched in the face.” And he went “Really dude?” And then he took his shirt off and tried to fight me yes and all my friends were gone so I was by myself and then I walked home drunk [ __ ] and I started tweeting oh i said “Fuck this [ __ ] this town i don’t know i don’t.” I was like “I hate this town.” I was like “Uh friends and quotes.” Like fake ass friends it was really Are those tweets still up i don’t know if we scroll back far enough maybe i don’t even know if I Yeah I mean I still have my very story ever like how even the cops you know what I mean like everyone’s just so [ __ ] made fun of me they’re like “Dude a lady punched you.” Wow well cuz Barry how would you describe Barry cuz I talked about a little bit it’s a I don’t know it’s a It’s a At least when I was living there it was kind of like a rough place like just everyone wants to fight or everyone’s kind of like angry you know what’s crazy is like I ride my bike in Toronto and you have a bell on your bike and I’m kind of like afraid to ring my bell now because like you ring your bell to be like I’m I’m passing a car or something like that but in Barry I remember being a kid and I rang my bell and a guy was like really and he just like would try to fight me yeah know because he thinks he thinks a bell is you being like [ __ ] you yeah and it’s just there’s this like attitude there i don’t know hard to explain but like Barry Barry Barry’s I never say whatever but it doesn’t matter but um it’s so I went to Catholic school but like yeah the energy is like you should know how to fight a little bit or like stand up for yourself get like Yeah yappy like definitely but when I first met you my uh So I go to college I meet you and then we went to like a party and it was around Christmas time this is my first time hanging out with like you guys and it might have been you or someone else but one of you guys were like “Let’s do uh Ding-Dong Ditch.” And I was like “Great we do it all the time.” And Barry let’s do it and so we go up to a house and there’s like this big like plastic Santa Claus and we ring the doorbell and I kick like my foot through the Santa Claus and I start trashing everything and everyone goes “What the fuck?” I know yeah I remember that barry and then you throw all this [ __ ] around absolutely yeah do great stuff people were doing [ __ ] coke when we were I don’t know grade 10 11 like that was was that your experience or Kitchener Kitchener would never Well there was that going on but I was like just I was I was a I was I was just I was aware of it but I just I it wasn’t too present he was in band yeah I was in band right right but yeah Barry’s like a big ass saloon eh kind of it’s like a cowboy sort of ranch yeah the biggest country can bar that’s right i love that how big is it it’s big it’s like a Costco and it has like these It’s like a Costco so it’s this country bar and it’s then they have these cages up i should take you if go back where in Berry is it downtown is downtown it doesn’t look that on the outside it like Yeah and then I do you remember this maybe this was a madeup there was a woman on plaster on the outside um with like the shortest shorts ever in a cowboy hat eating ribs and her ribs were all over her face do you remember this yeah so it actually does sound very familiar yeah and I just remember I like to get messy or something like that and then um they have these cages that are you have to like climb up like a I don’t know 2 or 3 meters to go into these cages but they only allow women in there and then you dance up there and there’s four of them a little bit sexist right oh yeah and I remember being like I was like 19 and I would be like “So you’re not letting men up there?” Like I get drunk and just was the worst person in the [ __ ] I was so annoying um but anyways so uh Ben we do have a question for you because you are Mr um King of Ontario i kind of I like King of Ontario we’re wondering man and we’re wondering for any uh you know for the for the Nevermind fans out there the Never minders anyone that might be thinking of visiting Ontario what’s sort of like a top five things to things to do or visit in Ontario all right number five well why don’t you go visit uh the first Tim Hortons in Hamilton Ontario okay wow it’s not like the same physical location they rebuilt a new one with a museum on top and it is cool they kind of like made it look upstairs how it used to look when Tim was behind the counter and Tim Horton Buffalo Never Mind fans he was on Buffalo Sabres when he died so there’s a bit of a connection there y’all so is he American or Canadian he’s Canadian he is Canadian but he was driving back from Toronto to Buffalo on the QEDW and he was driving a fast car he was drinking allegedly there was like vodka like that they hid they hid this from the public till like the early 2000s and he flipped his car and he died going to Buffalo going to Buffalo it’s really sad it is really sad rest in peace uh Tim Horton how old would he be right now right now he’d probably be like 90 or 100 i’m not even kidding have you seen the picture of him when he’s like 16 yes he’s ripped no oh you got to check it out we got to see this um okay aside this is a side thing but what’s your Tim Morton’s order well I have I have to I usually now I just get like a large iced coffee and sometimes I get a water bottle cuz no Timbits oh and Celiac because I have Celiac which uh Connor Q the Celiac awareness music this is a brand new song called the Celiac Walts it is inspired by my 25 plus year battle with celiac this song is about overcoming celiac disease and not letting it control my life and my overall destiny i hope you ultimately enjoy this one [Music] yeah please yeah that’s right everybody se this is now time for Celiac representation you know what and that and that’s a good idea to bring this up now because as we see use your platform buddy we are in May right now and May is legit celiac awareness month this is an unrecognized illness not a lot of people are talking about it we essentially can eat croutons and uh Pringles can eat Pringles soy sauce which I didn’t know i thought it was just croissants and all good things but yeah no there’s other things and it’s heartbreaking a lot yeah oh sorry can I just say what you want to say as an ally uh because I also lived with him with Ben and so I got to see the struggle uh of that and I made sure that I would wash the dishes and stuff i really appreciate that yeah yeah and wear green wear green green is the color for celiac awareness month we’re currently still looking for a cure so um if there’s anyone working in STEM right now maybe or or going to school for like biology or something consider looking for the celiac here it’s stunted my growth i feel a few years behind in life and and um it wrecked me but I am like no but I’m seriously trying to have a positive mindset trying to move forward and a cure would be nice right a cure would be nice would be really nice so let’s work on that y’all thank you let’s see this 16-year-old Tim Horton wham wow holy [ __ ] he’s He looks 30 something yeah hey it looks like a What the [ __ ] it’s like a welder oh my god 16 is that crazy jesus we We built different in Canada imagine that dog was still alive dude wait so bad what’s What’s number four number four oh my god that was number five i know sorry we’re like really just scraping the surface all right number four we got to go with one of the seven wonders of the world we are talking Niagara Falls and the thing is yes America probably has more falls but Canada’s got the view right ontario’s got the view of your wonderful falls thank you Kyle for being a part of that yeah you’re welcome yeah have you seen it right i’ve seen both sides both sides okay yeah what’s your take i’ve been on both sides well you know I think the best view is from the um the uh what’s it called the lady of the mist is that what it is yes up close getting down the boat jim and Pam off style bruce Almighty style yeah yeah yeah you get a little splash going um I think that’s a magnificent view i saw the um I saw the Canadian side at nighttime i saw the New York side from Canada during the day it was very beautiful wow i will say Ontario has the better view okay confirmed i’m not trying to gloat or anything just it’s just a fact a bit but whatever you guys got a lot of beautiful things oh yeah so many amazing Rushmore yeah yeah yeah yeah which I actually kind of want to see that i’m excited dude we should go to Rushmore i feel like Well [ __ ] i got nothing to do today okay do you guys know what state Mount Rushmore is in oh my gosh oh maybe we could all guess yeah let’s all guess m state oh god okay this makes me feel so much better that you guys don’t know this stuff too cuz when he asks me things I feel like Oh god the biggest idiot in the [ __ ] even they don’t really teach us this in school so And I don’t know okay yeah i think Yeah something wrong with the schooling system mhm i think I think I have my guess i think I have my guess okay okay okay no you go oh I don’t I don’t know the state is there I I think I named the place though okay okay oh [ __ ] is it like Denver or something like that close colorado you’re not far okay okay okay i’m going to go i’m going to guess Montana it’s not Montana you go but you’re closer with Montana yes hawaii it’s all I know i was I was going to guess is Colorado but that’s not true but Well that’s where Denver is no but but let me guess again but let me That’s I said I was going to guess that wait [ __ ] [ __ ] oh my god i believe in like I can when you’re going to say it I’m going to go oh yeah do you know what I mean i’m going to feel that way mount Rushmore is in Oh what utah no it’s not Utah [Laughter] h that’s why I don’t play [ __ ] mount Rushmore can you say the first letter um that would give it away maybe a little bit s oh oh my gosh that makes it harder that’s a speed what people are probably screaming right now listening to this it didn’t It didn’t give it away at all we have to give him a trivia after 100% sir [ __ ] a state that starts with an S s oh my god s syracuse so that’s going to be a city i think we drove through that oh yeah we did we did it’s on my mind sedona is Yeah that’s Arizona sedona is Arizona so bad sedona Arizona whoa this is No this is crazy crazy this is actually three of us i’ll give you another hand it’s a uh It’s a twoword state two word say Saint and um it’s sort of sister state borders Canada oh my god south Carolina south Dakota south Dakota oh wow oh my god and I’ll tell you this tripped me out i’ll be honest i would have I wouldn’t have got that well I will say this no Colorado for sure whatever that is is that a Dakota is Colorado is a state colorado is a state when I asked the question I thought it was in Wyoming it’s very close to Wyoming okay but it is in fact South Dakota just outside of I knew this uh Badlands National Park wow i knew this jesus I knew this i knew this what’s the uh Ben hit him with the trivia or oram whichever what’s a You can make it part of Canadian trivia this one might be too easy but maybe not at all capital of Canada nice yes um I do know this okay you’re going to get it i do know this it is yes um Yes [Music] give me a second it is going to be I’ve definitely told you don’t overthink it don’t overthink it i know and you got to go it’s You got to go you got to go see and I’ll give you a hint it’s made in this city it’s in Tuni and Looney is made in this city that’s my hint it’s in um Ontario yes it’s in Ontario you’re getting there i do know that getting there okay okay and it is [Music] called And it is called Give Me a Hand my mother lives there it’s This might mess you up but it starts with an O it starts with an O as well whoa i thought there’d be a giveaway you’re going to be kicking yourself and it’s not It’s not called It’s not Ashwa it’s not called Ontario City i wish I wish we had one that’s a great idea i’m working on that 2026 work on that uh be cool uh what’s the next letter t Ottawa yes there it is timely timely playoff what’s the capital of America washington that’s right dc that is I didn’t learn veronica just learned yeah go ahead why is Cuz Washington Wait DC is not the state there’s no It’s stateless right well what’s the state i know the state now isn’t it kind of boring is it Maryland seattle oh no no no no seattle okay so confident seattle wait what is it seattle Washington DC that’s the full what wait what okay so I’m so confused there is I’m with you i know cuz there’s DC what is Because there’s the other Washington is Washington DC which is the capital it’s not a it’s not a part of a state it’s the District of Columbia yeah and that’s where uh Sole is sorry the White House my bad my bad um uh yeah so there’s there’s Washington DC save that for tomorrow gotcha gotcha save that for tomorrow which is really um it’s bordered by Maryland Virginia woohoo um maybe just those two yeah I think what’s the state and then on the other side of the country just south of Vancouver is Washington State yep the state Washington okay home of grunge but Seattle home of Seattle is a city in Washington which is just south of Vancouver but DC is Washington DC is totally separate it’s a district that’s kind of odd but Washington is a city uh sort of it’s It’s a um district they call it the District of Columbia okay that’s where it was that’s where I was confused but it is also like a So it’s a state as well as a city it is a city it’s not a state but you can Yeah you can live You can live there washington is a state washington DC is not a state got But Washington DC is in Washington no no washington DC is only standalone okay Veronica well Washington DC is in Washington yes washington DC yes did you look at a map but Seattle’s in Washington seattle was in Washington i get it okay okay you don’t want to just look at a map very quickly okay so so number three so number three Ben okay well here’s the thing while you’re in Niagara Falls you’re in Niagara Falls and yeah there’s the other you have to check out this i think this is a big thing and I think this is a uniquely special thing about Ontario because I swear I talked to you guys about this maybe last time I was here or last time we saw each other but it has like just this like strip of about like five to seven haunted houses that are like I think we talked once and I was like does Las Vegas or New Orleans have haunted houses and maybe you or Michael was like thinking I was talking about like a real haunted house but these are all fake haunted houses like a Halloween but like I’ve never seen anywhere else in the world that has so many haunted houses and when I went to Las Vegas last time for the uh last year um to get married one year’s coming up you got to get married but uh you got married in Las Vegas yes I did but I was kind of expecting a whole strip of haunted houses but that’s just an Ontario thing an Ontario thing i think that’s kind of cool they’re they’re scary and there’s a Believe It or Not Museum there as well there’s I do like a haunted house a Dairy Queen there’s an upside down house too there’s a Dairy Queen and then I a Ferris wheel yes and but it’s again like you’d think this place is popping and like it is dead also I’ve gone on Well I’ve gone in like fall and no one was there yeah but I mean summer maybe it’s more of an attraction yeah like for like families I think it sucks that as like Canadian entertainers there’s not like residencies there yes and there’s casinos also in Niagara that’s that Yes two casinos speaking of Yeah I really want to make Yeah I just want to make like a Canadian version of open Oce Oce Oce Oce Oce Oce Oce Oce Oce Oce Oceans 11 where they rob the two big casinos nice would that be cool they rob those cast well of course I would obviously cast Ryan Reynolds yep he’s going to be George Clooney’s character and then Gosling got to be Diamond oh yeah that’s funny you said Brad P i say Matt Damon we’re going to have to talk about funny and who else mike Myers as Bernie Mack yeah that makes us Jim Carrey jim Carrey he could be the the bad guy who owns Casino Niag like he could be like kind of the you know how there’s the guy that’s staying Julia Roberts speak of which we got cast Julia Roberts that would be Anna Pacwin we will cast American yeah we should win we have to cast an American we know or um [ __ ] uh who is it from Shitz Creek oh oh my god cather would be really good cather Green maybe there could be two tom Green tom Green got I feel like he’s got to get in there who’s the And then who would play the little guy that can go in the Venice and stuff like that tom Green would be like the the um the bomb guy yeah probably yeah yeah yeah oh um uh the little guy um [ __ ] uh what’s his name um um oh my god you know who I’m talking about from from um uh Murderers in the Building um so good oh my gosh i’m liking this cast there’s 11 there’s money there there’s money there and it goes on Crave and then Yeah know what Crave is so what’s number two that was number That was number three right that was number three haunted houses yeah yeah the haunted houses of Niagara Falls so shout out to Niagara Falls in the list that’s so I know we’re getting close to the end but you know what I would because the thing is what I sometimes like about other countries is like I love a big monument i love a monument that I could just look at so may I recommend to you a monument in either it’s Campbellford or Campbellville Ontario the monument of the tuni it is amazing it’s just I love the tuni i like it better than the loony it looks really cool and there’s just a big tuni in this place called Campbellville or Campbell Ontario you got to go and for those that don’t know the tuni is the $2 coin $2 coin i miss carrying around coins so much you guys i don’t remember the last time I held said that i’m not kidding we love our gold we love our coins like that’s like and then like you just know that’s like the equivalent of like a slushie as a kid do you know what I mean you’re like or a nice truck like anymore no slushy you have to take out a freaking uh loan $100 bill and then still for that [ __ ] i always think whenever you talk about missing um change and missing coins I think about one of the beginning scenes of uh Pirates of the Caribbean where Jack Sparrow You say Caribbean isn’t it Caribbean i say Pirates of the Caribbean wow tomato tomato caribbean caribbean he pulls out a little uh a little tiny coin satchel and is like picking the coins out yes and whatever and that’s what I think about like paying for stuff like a tiny little like leather bag it’s a a Canadian car in the um the place where you put your the drink holders you just have a [ __ ] ton of loonies and tunies and quarters and and no longer we don’t have one we don’t have one cent one centenn so So does that mean that when you guys have pennies we still have pennies you got to end that you got to discontinue that so when you when you um are paying cash and you check out or anything I guess the price will be what will it does it have to be rounded up 05 increment mhm interesting yeah um it’s very interesting okay and then what’s number one number one the best thing about Ontario that you have to check out well I think we simply have to go We have to go with the uh Kitchener Warloo Children’s Museum they had a Rolling Stones exhibit there a couple years ago yeah that my that my uh that my parents went to so that’s amazing so I’d say yeah number one on the list the Kitchener Warloo Children’s Museum i like that wow see I want you I was shocked yeah but it’s true is pretty big right how many people live there probably a mill really no I think probably I think probably like I don’t know probably like a hundred because we we like Cambridge is in there too but Cambridge is in there too which is crazy it’s not in the name don’t go down that road the Tri Cities but they do Kitcher Warloo they don’t put Cambridge in there but it’s part of it and do you want to tell the fine people what Kitchener their big accomplishment was oh damn home of the ring ring oh the blackberry that’s waterlue that’s waterl water is also home of the second biggest barbarian drinking festival in the world October Fest talk to him I would love to see you there so this is what’s what it’s telling me is that um okay it’s saying Kitchener population 28200,000 people but then it says Kitchener like the uh the regional uh like what is it saying i don’t know what it’s saying let me see i can’t understand what it’s saying but I think I think the whole area as in like everything combined is like 600,000 does that make sense to you i think so that checks that’s pretty big kitchener has population in the city so within the city district is going to be 256,000 for just kitchen but what about water but in the whole metro area it’s going to be 575,000 that’s actually way I love that we have a metro area that’s huge that’s way bigger than a a GDP of 32.89 89 billion let’s go that’s crazy $32.9 billion pardon me blackberry blackberry yeah obama that was Thank you for those recommendations yeah honestly I’m sure that’s here do you guys know where Kyle’s from the American cincinnati wow cincinnati cincinnati do you guys research about Cincinnati did my homework i know about the Bengals the Bengals there’s a show W KRP that’s right cincinnati um Cincinnati ohio that’s right jerry Springer’s from there and filmed there famously no died there he was He was the mayor he was the mayor mayor yes mayor of Cincinnati jerry Springer and he We have the same birthday oh wow jealous that’s amazing he uh he famously uh used a city check to pay for a prostitute kind of a baller move though yeah yeah I used a city check tax taxpayer money to pay for a prostitute jerry um wow mr mr uh Sam Burns though you’ve recently you’re kind of like a you’re like a DJ now i’m a DJ now well you see I Well my doctor uh prescribed me Viveance and so I took Viveance to so I could be more a lot more focused on my work and instead I just started making mashups yeah and so I just am riding Vive Vance making mashups all day now i got to say we’re going to Let’s play one actually you’re going to play one all right i love um They’re on Spotify now yeah I got two on there [ __ ] i also we have we sometimes play like music games should we do We can keep going if if you guys are free oh yeah should I pee yeah yeah go pee okay i’m peeing peeing pee you might what you might have to go no I might uh go to Boston today yeah yeah boston oh I actually No no Jake take that i would love to talk I would love to talk about one thing about regarding Boston later okay remember that put a pin in that so which one is going to be the one with the uh Fairly Odd Parents that’s the Tipsy tipsy yeah okay yeah yeah yeah [Music] oh there you go no one’s talking oh it feels good on your heart that change i love it yeah maybe edit it out not bad huh not bad not bad djing at like live like doing good no I don’t know i don’t know no I don’t think I don’t know scare me how are the vi band vans working great great i’m I’m making I’m making bangers that’s what I said to my doctor i’m like I got to make more bangers wow she said take two D’s call me in the morning so you ADHD adhd yeah i dyslexic too listen I’m You think it’s a choice no I think you absolutely have ADHD now absolutely and but were you diagnosed at a young age or recently yeah young yeah you know what’s crazy i took uh so I started taking like ADD meds in like grade six and then stopped taking them in like grade eight and then like a couple like a year ago I reached out to my family doctor and uh just said just give me the same dose as like when I was a kid and it still like rocked me i was like you give this to like a 11year-old scary uh now it’s like I’m it just I’m just I can focus on [ __ ] it’s like calming almost but when I was a kid I remember just feeling like a zombie and just like rocked yeah wasn’t funny i remember my friend told me I wasn’t funny he’s just like He’s like “Yeah you’re not really funny anymore stop taking them.” Yeah stop taking them yeah yeah oh yeah oh my god did that get you into trouble oh yeah yeah i remember one time I didn’t take my uh my meds and then uh by the end of the day I put a zip tie around my neck to make my friends laugh and my teacher had to cut it with scissors got suspended my mom’s like “Did you take your meds?” I was like “I swear I did.” I feel like you were always suspended yeah yeah yeah peed in a bottle in class trying to make my friends laugh two cops games police officers games and I expose myself in class which I didn’t i was in a study carol Miss Urkart’s grade eight class how do you go to therapy had to go to therapy and uh yeah what did you do with the bottle of pee after I peed in it and I shook it i showed it to my friend like that and he like laughed and then uh a girl won’t say her name but she ratted me out of course and then the police came and they thought I was like this pervert that was like getting off on it i was in grade eight you know trying to make my buddy laugh and uh then I had to go to therapy for like a month [ __ ] yeah yeah what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done like as or did as a high school or a kid i think I I can probably We uh we used to go car hopping that’s where you like you just see if cars are unlocked and then you go through it you take what’s in there usually like lighters or sometimes there’d be money you know here and there uh this one time we went into a truck and there was a pickaxe and we went to a ATM machine no and we smashed the ATM machine open and uh nothing happened but just like started to hiss and so then we just ditched the pickaxe and then we went to a 24-hour like a bodega and we just started like trashing the place we were we were idiots and then this god this blows my mind and this feels very out of character no but this this was before Viveance yeah yeah i do knowing your friends this makes complete sense to me yeah and we uh and then I’m not kidding uh like three police officers came in and had like tasers pointed at us [ __ ] and I remember like hands against the frozen food section and I was like looking at the Michelinas and they’re like checking our pockets and [ __ ] and I was like this is it and they take us outside and there’s dogs sniffing around because the ATM that we hit was like right across the street and there’s dogs sniffing everywhere they took all of our information our addresses and they’re like “Okay you can lie to us and say you didn’t do it but there’s like there’s cameras in the ATM like we’ll we can see.” So we just were like “No that wasn’t us.” And then there was a cop waiting on every corner of the street till like we got back to our house and I’d have to be like “Sam Burns.” Go “Okay keep going.” And I’d walked around another corner there’s a cop sitting there and I laid in bed and I was like “If I ever get out of this I am done doing this crazy shit.” And oh my god somehow nothing happened i don’t know wow i don’t know i don’t know wasn’t there not Wasn’t there like a newspaper article newspaper article my friend sent it to me oh my god yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it was in the news you guys didn’t give a [ __ ] though you guys were like We were idiots yeah like really that’s like one story i I know a couple but that was [ __ ] And then I actually chilled after that for the most part really for the most part yeah for the most part that was like That’d be crazy if like you left this like uh apartment then a bunch of berry cops like come and book you for admitting to it i was thinking the other day like if I were to tell that story on a pod could they like dig up no i think the statute of limitations has expired it’s like seven years or something like that like how old were you when you did that you’re a minor i was like 16 oh god yeah you’re fine great and you know you know that wasn’t you know oh yeah no no no don’t this is a tale you know you learned from you had you take your vi bangers and I hang with friends and laugh you turn it around that’s what life is man it’s under control it’s under control now dude that’s so Ben were you like that uh no not really we did some stuff but like I don’t know i kind of uh we just would like I just like some Yeah like a couple times like I egged people’s houses okay okay nicki N doors but like but not destroying their beautiful holiday one time I got to a Santa accessory yeah yeah no I went to a Busher and a bunch of cops chased me once that’s pretty scary and then I gave them my phone number and I was so scared the next day that they were going to call my parents scary they did it bush parties bush parties i don’t know what that means is that a Canadian thing does you party in the woods you big high school party but it’s in the woods and it’s usually a fight and yes a fire big fires you throw some uh throw some skids in there so you have like bonfires but not I don’t think in woods or you just say you want to go to a bonfire yeah we would just call it like a bonfire okay bush party i like that public bush party forest or something and then and then almost guaranteed the cops would come and everyone just runs for their lives and in the woods yeah yeah yeah it was fun it was really fun we should go to one tonight we should go to one we should It would be fun to like this it’ kind of be fun to be a cop and like bust up a bush party a little bit like try to be like quiet and you’re like “Okay.” Like generally you’re not really like taking these kids home you’re just kind of scaring them like Yeah exactly like taking their numbers and be like and just scaring them and then hopefully they won’t go to another one um but okay should we do this [ __ ] or what what do you want to do oh let’s do it it’s time to thank the the Never My Night never minds you guys okay so we got you guys up to speed on how this works it’s [ __ ] Connory cue that [ __ ] music cue the music okay god what is wrong just so hot out just so hot on this journey listen to me we’ve got only a few kilometers left [Music] you must continue okay fine for my brothers I will god what who is this hi guys oh my god is this fairy hi guys i’m I’m the medieval fairy oh no what is your name my name’s Christoer christomin christophin oh my gosh what do you have any powers or anything fairy or yes and guess what i have a fairy brother too what up girl oh my goodness two fairies on our journey tell us are you good fairies or bad fairies well depends if I have my coffee in the morning well wait i just I just sometimes I um do you guys have a fairy song yes yes we actually just wrote it do you want to hear it yes of course well have you ever heard that song We Didn’t Start the Fire by Billy Jewel of course of course yeah so it’s basically like that okay it’s like our rendition of that how does it go here goes Finn Bruce Sarah Dalstrom Adrien Dubcki Hayden [ __ ] Katie Chase Aaron Rogerio uh Carol Austin Ashlin Badick Danielle Vendard Maner Whisa oh yes Diana Chris Kelly Beach Sophie Garen and of course Hine Riley and Laura It’s Jack Blur Ali and Mia Baba Andrew Andre Sanchez Coco Willie one of 11 one of one Emily Faith Mckenzie Maggie Moronio Morris Danny Manny Troy and DJ that’s a wild one dj Ken Sticker Girls you’re the best adriana JB Big Ben [Music] Mag and Betsy Taylor Bride Brunette Bombshell Bank Ruby Veronica and Kyle are best friends haha luke and Ava Eastber Megan Gooby Moss 53 Taylor Michael McKitty should we switch it up for them yep switch up the beat mars 333 taylor Rinberg Michael McKitty Leah Shirley Lauren Bower Bobby Goods Mandy Cat Catgirl and Dog World Kenna Queen Linda Davis Maddie Dorsy Fantasy Camp Ashim the Dream Mandy and Libby Sharon Charlie McGrath and Collie Smalls collie Smalls we love you cheyenne Ma Math Man Law Annie Elmer Haley Yoyo Yoyo Mel Deafany Hannah Garlington Hello Kathleen Blackwell Ken and Sabilla thank you thank you fairy mic drop well thank you well so that is your fairy song yes yes we go baritone do you think you can grant us one wish just one what should we wish i was just asking you i was asking you don’t wish for more wishes that’s hack what if we wish $4 million no what if we wish for world peace world peace [Music] your wish is my command and seen wouldn’t that just be amazing if you could do that that would be a movie god but it doesn’t work that way i know world peace is something we have to work for work for and I think everyone should do mushrooms really mushrooms i did i’ve done them yeah let’s put it in the water supply let’s talk yes let’s talk about on the bonus guys uh thank you so much for joining us we’re going to continue this in the bonus bonus episode coming right up you know all the things we have merch and all the things and subscribe and you know and we’re going to go to the Patreon right now bonus episode continue this wonderful Canadian awesome conversation we love you guys bye who knows what we’re going to talk about in the bonus sex stories yeah so this is going to be the sex [Music]